http://www.cigarsmokers.com/ Jokes, funny links, and other humor related material. en Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:06:41 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.cigarsmokers.com/images/misc/rss.png http://www.cigarsmokers.com/ http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13544-At-the-Beach?goto=newpost Thu, 02 Sep 2010 00:23:01 GMT A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted beach in Boca Raton, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a... A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted
beach in Boca Raton, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age,
also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers
and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a
conversation with him.

"How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned
back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is
very lonely, she countered.
"Do you live around here?" She asked.
"Yes, I live over in Coral Springs " he answered, and again he resumed
reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted,
"Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off
her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man,
"How did you know that was what I wanted?”

The man replied. "How did you know my name was Katz?" ]]> Humor Abyr http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13544-At-the-Beach http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13538-Ghost-Sex?goto=newpost Tue, 31 Aug 2010 03:07:05 GMT A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Achmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Achmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Achmed replied, "Oh shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats." ]]> Humor Abyr http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13538-Ghost-Sex http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13534-I-love-Philadelphia...really?goto=newpost Fri, 27 Aug 2010 23:59:54 GMT http://www.yorkdispatch.com/news/ci_15912511 http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20100827_Torpedo_found_in_Port_Richmond.html http://www.yorkdispatch.com/news/ci_15912511

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20..._Richmond.html ]]> Humor badwhale http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13534-I-love-Philadelphia...really http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13533-Jokes?goto=newpost Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:41:57 GMT http://listverse.com/2007/09/16/listverse-top-50-jokes/ 18. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said “WHAT???!!! What was that?!” So she says the words... http://listverse.com/2007/09/16/listverse-top-50-jokes/

18. One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said “WHAT???!!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’ll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!” I then said “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I won’t be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell. [Cheeky Monkey]

24. There was a bear and a rabbit who hated each other and one day, walking through the forest they lived in they found a magical lamp. After a bit of fighting over it the bear took it and rubbed it, hoping for a genie to come out. When the genie came out of his lamp he promised the bear and the rabbit three wishes for each for releasing him from his lamp.
The bear immediately said “I want all the bears in this forest to be female” The genie granted his wish.
The rabbit thought about what to ask for a while and finally said “I want a motorbike helmet”. The helmet appeared in front of him and he promptly put it on his head.
The bear was confused about the rabbit’s wish but carried on with his second wish. “I want all the bears from the neighbouring forests to be female”.
The rabbit then said “I want a motorbike”.
The bear just couldn’t believe how strange the rabbit’s wishes were and shaking his head wished “I want all the bears in the world to be female” and the genie granted his wish.
The rabbit got on his new bike and rode off, and when he was some 50 metres away from the bear he yelled “I wish that the bear was gay!!” [ImplosiveFire]

35. Little Timmy was goinig on a fishing trip with his father one weekend. All packed up and ready they take off. About an hour after putting in and setting their lines, Little Timmys father takes out a beer, cracks it open and sets it down hoping that Timmy didn’t notice.
Timmy looks up at his father “Can I have a sip of you beer Dad?”
Timmys father replys “Can your Pecker touch your Asshole son?”
Timmy frowns and says No.
His father goes “Then you can’t have a sip of my beer”.
An hour or so later Timmy starts to get hungry and he just happened to sneak a candy bar into his pocket before they left. Timmy carefully opens it and takes a bite and tries to hid it. But Timmys Father noticed and is starting to get a bit hungry too.
“Hey, Timmy do you think I could get a bite of you candy bar?”
Timmy replies “Can your Pecker touch your Asshole?”
“Why Yes Timmy it can.” says the father.
And with out missing it, Timmy proudly states “Then Go Fuck Yourself!” [Crimanon] ]]> Humor victory01 http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13533-Jokes http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13530-What-happens-when-you-drink-and-farm-(possibly-nsfw-youtube-link)?goto=newpost Fri, 27 Aug 2010 00:07:01 GMT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Co6GAaXFw http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Co6GAaXFw ]]> Humor Eville http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13530-What-happens-when-you-drink-and-farm-(possibly-nsfw-youtube-link) http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13529-Whaazzzzzzzsss-uppppppp!?goto=newpost Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:40:47 GMT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL_qGMfbtAk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL_qGMfbtAk ]]> Humor cinda http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13529-Whaazzzzzzzsss-uppppppp! http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13514-Hans...what-did-you-do-to-my-flute!!?goto=newpost Thu, 19 Aug 2010 07:48:01 GMT Ok so I am new to the forums & I am not sure if anybody will find this offensive (if so....sorry) but I think it's funny as hell! Hope you all enjoy. :smiley4:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IujLhcrFnJY ]]> Humor themadwacker1 http://www.cigarsmokers.com/threads/13514-Hans...what-did-you-do-to-my-flute!!