No Sex Tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to
satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by
saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the
bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We
went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department
store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very
expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just
buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets
get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked
out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's
fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling
with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go
to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like
it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just
not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your
shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.