Two Orgasm Jokes & Two Blonde Joke
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Golfing with his buddies."
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This guy was sitting on a plane in first class and noticed this pretty blonde sitting by herself across the aisle. She was very good looking, and was dressed to show off her shape, with a tight knit sweater and short skirt.
The guy is reading a magazine and he hears a dainty sneeze. He looks over and says, “Bless you.” She says thanks and then takes a tissue out of her purse. 15 minutes goes by and he hears her sneeze again, and he says, “Bless you ” again. This goes on for a while and she sneezes every 10 or 15 minutes.
After this happens 5 or 6 times, he looks at her and before he gets a chance to say anything, she takes out a tissue, lifts up her skirt and wipes her “privates”. She catches him staring at her and she blushes a bit. She tells him she is sorry and is a bit embarrassed about the situation, but every time she sneezes, she has an orgasm.
He is amazed at this medical condition he has never heard of, and asks her if she is taking anything for it. “Oh yes”, she says with a smile, “a little black pepper!”
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This guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and asks the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff-----grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you
suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
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A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she
yelled, "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm a Newfie?"
"Yes, it's because you're a Newfie," said the Mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,
Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all the
other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See... A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
Very Good," said her Mother.
"Is it because I'm a Newfie, Mommy?"
"Yes it's because you're a Newfie!"
The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy,
Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm a Newfie, Mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."
