Speedy Gonzales

Santa had a few to many with the orgy elves last night and posted this in the wrong place.

Well tell me there Mr. all bottle no throttle. Just how good have you been? What might be some of your likings. Hmm... how about some nice 1/2 smoked white owls? I'll have some of my elves burn them down and stick a used toothpick through the end so you have a nice handle. That way you don't burn your nubby little lawn mower shifting fingers. Let me know what other favors you might like. Or don't, I don't care.

Oh, Santa, I'm pretty easy... I like almost all "good" cigars. Never had one recommended to me that I didn't like. So if you like it, I probably will too. The few that I've had that were HORRIBLE were some of the ones I've tried but should've known better, you know the ones where you say "wow this one looks and smells great, and it's so cheap" so you buy it, only to find out that the reason for the low price is 90% of the filler seems to have been "marked" by a dog...

I tend to lean more towards the full end of the spectrum, preferring medium or better in flavor, and prefer smaller ring guages, but they all have their place. I've never purchased an infused or flavored stick for myself, and as a general rule, don't care much for them, but have been gifted a few that I really enjoyed. Those include: CAO Earth Nectar, Drew Estate Java, Drew Estate Java Mint, Drew Estate Isla Del Sol, and Drew Estate Natural. Other than those 5, to me, infused cigars taste like scented candles.. :smiley11:

Lately, I've been on a kick for Nicaraguan puros, especially anything by Padron. Others I've enjoyed lately include Rocky Patel 1990 Vintage Maduro, My Father No. 4, Partagas "Party Short", Drew Estate Undercrown, etc., etc., just to give you an idea, but surprise me.... I promise not to bitch if I receive something I don't like.

Also, I am a sucker for sweets, nuts, chocolate, or any of those meats and cheeses designed for eating with crackers.

I promise to try and stay off the naughty list until Christmas, and I promise to leave tasty treats for you and the reindeer... :smiley2:

Yes yes I'm sure you would be happy with any of those. I was thinking of something on the strong side, you being a rusty old mud bug and all. The last time I flew over Baton Rough I almost got shot down by a few of you crazy Cajuns. Good thing everybody down there in the swamp is always shnickered up with all the drivethrough Daiquiri stands. I might take your list under concideration and send you some rain deer jerkey balls. As for the sticks I have something special in mind that I like to call the Lewinsky Dip hehehe..I'm sure you will love it.

Dear Santa,

I love deer jerky, but have never had any made from reindeer... And what exactly are reindeer jerky balls? Are they balls of jerky made with reindeer meat, or jerky made from reindeer balls? Either way, I am looking forward to trying them!! Also, the Lewinsky Dipped sticks sound exquisite! :smiley1: Do you think you could do that with the toothpick skewered half smoked white owls??? Oh, and by the way, I much prefer the grape or peach white owls over the chocolate, or any of the other varieties, just so you know...

Santas f-ing Ipad is grammatically challenged and some times it slings out ambiguous phrases and wording. That dirty little shit Jobs gave it to me but before he did he made it stupid. All cause he caught me smashing his wife one x-mas night. I thought he got over it but... Like said reindeer balls


http://youtu.be/fftnExG-WFg

Haha! That's good shit right there, Santa! Is that Mrs. Claus in her younger days? And was that you holding the reindeers' feet? Did you see the look on those guys' faces when she did that?! I guess that's why you've been so happily married all these years... I know if I ever watched my ole lady do that shit, I'd walk a straight line forever after that for sure! What a woman!

Yep I got big daddy Santa status. M.C. Is a pro T-bagger. Who do you think is going to take care of the Lewinsky dip for me. And don't get me started on the things she does to my candy cane.:highly_amused:

Santa, all I can say, after watching that video, is I'd be HONORED to smoke Mrs. Claus' Lewinsky-dipped white owls! And when you die, if she's still alive, I hope you don't come back to haunt me, but I'm taking over the job of Santa Claus! You are a lucky old bastard to have a woman like her, that's for sure!

Um, wow, just, uh, wow. :smiley11:

Quote:

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SPEEDRACER..snip..... I know if I ever watched my ole lady do that shit, I'd walk a straight line ......

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Ya, no shit. Right to the nearest airport or bus station to buy a one way ticket to any-fucking-where-else.

Santa,

I must have been really good this year, because you sure did me right! Thanks for making my day! And by the way, tell Mrs. Clause the reindeer jerky balls are exquisite! And seeing the video on how they're harvested beforehand, makes them all the more awesome! Merry Christmas Santa! You are the man!! :smiley37:

Hope you enjoy mud bug.