WTF - Kevin7 made Santa's list???

[Secret Santa]

Well, well, well. What do I have here? Who’s next on Santa’s list? Are fucking kidding me? How the hell did Kevin7 make my list? The world has completely gone to shit if I have to deliver that knuckle dragger some primo cigars. Candy yes, but Kevin7???

Kevin, no offense, I think you’re hilarious. I laugh at your comments when that old bag Mrs. Claus goes to be bed, lest she think I have no decency. Good stuff really, but good enough for Santa’s list? What will the world think? I suppose that you do have a few redeeming qualities. My elves have done quite a bit of research on you. Luckily for me, some new SOB had to summarize the info for me, ‘cause I’m sure as shit too lazy to do it. Damn this is going to be a lengthy discourse.

So, let’s wade right into the shit and see what kind of boy you’ve been this year

You are part of the “welcoming committee” here at Cigarsmokers.com. Let’s see how you’ve performed in this role:

again toe licker talks out his ass. Fuck off and die douchebag

Fuck off and leave you retarded idiot. ( I was gonna say cunt but that would be not nice LOL)

Nothing has changed in my eyes,you still smell like an asshat

Dont let the door hit you in the cunt on the way out princess

And people still wonder why I hate fucking retarded newbies.

Im one of the nicer fuckers here

Ok, so that was so-so. But my report says that you also give some spot-on advice. Let’s see, oh yes, here are some examples of your advice:

i take the cello off but triple wrap them in commercial grade 8 mil polyethylene so they do not marry.i am considering using argon gas in my humidors to keep bacteria and such out. Radiation treatment got me in trouble with homeland securita so that is a no-go

Bout time you got a job you slackass hippie

If you are dirt poor get a better job. Cigars are a luxury

Meth manufacturing is where it's at now man. People are unemployed and will trade you some cool possessions for rocks ,just be sure to use protection if you are trading out services from housewives

Your advice wasn’t too bad. Good work Kevin7. Let’s see here…It says that you are capable of making accurate observations like no one’s business. Here are a few gems:

Hes got a stumpbroke steer

Man them sophisticated retards at puff would eat these up.

You are better than a 1/2 columbo1/2 Jesus with a phd

Hey George one does not get to be 3 rd shift manager at Hardees by sitting around all day smoking dope and masturbating

Except Badwhale,he's a buttpirate

I would say that you’re pretty fucking observant. I'm not sure if those last two quotes go together or not, but I digress. Guess I may have been wrong about you Kevin7. Maybe you do deserve some JdN’s & ETdB’s to go with the Maduritos & Nica Libre’s that you enjoy. The last notation here is that you are extremely giving of yourself:

gEorge you can lick my big hairy ass

Um I don't think anybody is gonna spank you for being bad but I will beat you with a shovel if you want LOL

When you fags are done thumping that dead horse I might slide in and slip it the big dick

Okay, so you’re almost too giving of yourself. But at least George does like to lick your hairy ass & the horse was already dead. *Note to self: Do not bring any sick or wounded reindeer that Kevin7 might be able to catch*

So Kevin, it seems I may have misjudged you. I might slide by and slip my big dick down your chimney if I have some extra time this holiday season and if I do, what can I bring you? Somehow my elves have missed recording your beverage of choice, but I see that you’re all set with your 7 lb’s of Swiss Miss; otherwise I would send some of Mr. Jerry’s coffee your way. I might have some old brown label Don Kiki’s & La Herencia Cubana’s laying around. I’ll dig them out of the cat’s litter box and box them up with some Acid’s for you. It’s the least I can do. After all, amazingly you have been a fairly good boy this year. I can hardly believe it myself. I need a drink after saying that. Get back to me soon Kevin7, before my elves uncover more dirt on you.

Ho Ho Ho!!!

[bigwhiteash]

Thanks Santa... I just blew a freshly lit bowl of Frog Morton, On The Town all over my keyboard!



That was great!

[basil]

That's some funny shit right there

[CoventryCat86]

Someone call 911 and send 'em to my house, I need oxygen I'm laughing so fuggen hard.

[ashauler]

Now there are some quotes. And I bet he wasn't even tryin'.

[kevin7]

LOL thats some funny shit there santadouche

[MarineOne]

Classic ..... just fecking classic.

[Secret Santa]

Burrrrrppppppp! I just woke up with a massive headache and had to kick some elves out of my sleigh bed. I hope Mrs. Claus doesn't hear about this latest incident. Why is there a video camera aimed at my bed? Sheesh, damn Mad Dog & Boone's... I'm gonna regret this I think...

Talk about regrets, kevin7. If you don't open up a little bit and tell me what your little heart really desires this Christmas, I'll be forced to give you the only thing you have listed in this thread.

kevin7's Christmas List

santadouche

It's a bit of an odd request, but whatever. Of course, I'll have to talk to Mrs. Claus about your request...

Cheers Mate!

[Secret Santa]

On its way via USPS: 9405 5036 9930 0064 8091 74

[kevin7]

Santa dropped a bomb on me today. Very nice selection of cigars and sweet Christmas drink and a Bottle of awesome Bourbon. Outstanding box of goodies.

Thank you very much

[Secret Santa]

Enjoy your gifts. The Christmas drink idea came from one of Mr. Jerry's threads and if you don't like the Buffalo Trace maybe you can trade it for something, even though it isn't a buffalo scrotum. Until next year...