View Poll Results: Vote for your favorite entry!!

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  • EGQ....posts 3 & 5

    0 0%
  • Shelby 07....post 6

    1 7.69%
  • NDV21....post 8

    0 0%
  • badwhale....posts 10 & 35

    8 61.54%
  • buzz...posts 12-15-21-26

    2 15.38%
  • Fuma787....post 13

    0 0%
  • mrtr33...post 18

    2 15.38%
  • bigwhiteash....post 24

    0 0%
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Thread: Christmas Writing Contest

  1. #1
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    Default Christmas Writing Contest

    It is time for the 3rd annual Christmas Writing contest. We have lots of new and creative members this year, so I expect to see lots of submissions.

    Here are the rules:
    1. Contest begins today.
    2. Open to members in good standing with a minimum of 25 posts as of today. If you don't know if you're in good standing or not, enter anyway, someone will let you know if you don't qualify.
    3. You can submit as many entries as you want. Entries are to be posted in this thread.
    4. Entry can be in the form of a poem, song, haiku, limerick, or just a short story, and can be serious or humorous.
    5. Deadlines are CST, I don't want to have to add and subtract
    6. Entry must be themed around cigarsmokers.com and Christmas.
    7. Winners will be chosen by Poll of the membership, all members in good standing are allowed to vote.
    8. As the host, I won't be playing.

    Deadline to post your entry = Midnight CST, Friday, December 25, 2009
    Poll starts on Monday, December 28, 2009 and runs through Monday, January 4, 2009

    The prize will be a selection of sticks from my cooler. I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

  2. #2
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    Default

    Great idea for a contest - I am now going to spend the next couple work days figuring out words that rhyme with "nozzle"...

    -Buzz
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  3. #3

    Default Holiday Haiku to all BOTLs

    Clip, torch a cigar
    Enjoy the spirit of the days
    Brothers of the leaf

    Next up is a limmerick that will start with "There once was a man from Wichita..."

  4. #4
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EGQ View Post
    Clip, torch a cigar
    Enjoy the spirit of the days
    Brothers of the leaf

    Next up is a limmerick that will start with "There once was a man from Wichita..."
    Ya just have to keep in mind who is sending the prize if it wins.

  5. #5

    Default

    There once was a man from Wichita
    When he gazed upon his humidor, he liked what he saw
    And he said with a grin
    As he lit a Don Pepin
    "Happy holidays to all, especially those in the practice of law"

  6. #6
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    Default

    The new year was coming, their mission was clear
    those lexicon folks searched for word of the year
    the people at Oxford looked high and looked low
    for a word that was unknown just one year ago

    they searched all the forums, ideas unfurled
    as they struggled to reshape the speech of the world
    "Muggle," "blamestorming," "threequel" and "grrrl"
    the words flowed like water, each a winner, a pearl!

    yet the collections of scholars just couldn't agree
    is the term a "screenager" or a "mini-me"
    As they struggled and fought it became very clear
    a consensus was lacking for word of the year.

    They fought into the night and throughout the next day
    but their discord was fierce, for there'd be hell to pay
    if they didn't live up to their laurels so high
    they could kiss their achievements and honors goodbye

    Days, then weeks passed as their battles went on
    until finally the next to the last had withdrawn
    so consensus had come, the announcement was made
    that the end had come, finally, to this epic crusade

    All the cameras were running, the world was abuzz
    as the scholars announced what the special word was
    "It's a word found on Facebook! It's the best!" they'd contend
    "The Word Of The Year..." then a drum roll... "UNFRIEND!"

    After all of their work and despite all their plume
    a silence descended among those in the room
    for the word they sought after should have been crystal clear
    We all know "douchenozzle" is word of the year!


    Merry Christmas!!!

    (the rules say it had to have a Christmas theme.)

  7. #7
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    Default

    Dam Shelby, I can't compete with that. All of my writing will sound like a new born baby's babbling compared to your penmanship.
    Thanks alot for ruining my chances



    Keith

  8. #8
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    Default

    Christmas is known as a holiday for all
    Where kids young and old will be having a ball
    Mothers and fathers use credit cards with might
    Just to see their bill, their faces read fright.

    What would the wife like? A husband might ask
    “I think at her age, she might need a mask!”
    Tempted but careful, he buys her perfume,
    The scent of sweet flowers ready to bloom.

    “My husband has all the toys that he wants!”
    I’ll go with the traditional set of work pants!
    More tools for the garage, I know he would like
    Or maybe an accessory for his motor bike.

    Dad is retired and is always hard to read
    What he would like, I don’t know indeed
    A tv, vacation, or fishing gear set?
    A father-son hunting trip he’ll never forget!

    Who can forget Mother who’s always be there
    Tender and loving with so much sweet care
    I know what she’ll say “Please don’t get me a present,
    Just having you home makes my life pleasant”

    So family is taken care of, what a great relief
    Now I can focus on the commander in Chief!
    Not Obama, no, he’s not on my list
    A gift for myself, something with a twist

    I’ve been getting my presents throughout the year
    Manful desires of all types of gear
    From dive trips, to guns, to fine cigars
    They all make good stories when I’m out at the bars

    I have a hard time thinking what should I get
    I’d hate buying something that later I would regret
    Money is tight so it can’t be expensive
    Thinking of this makes me apprehensive

    I’ve always enjoyed a good bottle of whisky
    (so does my wife cause she knows I get frisky)
    But drinking alone is not so much fun
    Especially when your buddies, only drink rum

    I guess I have realized I have all I need
    Family, health, and the will to succeed
    But there is one thing, that I will ask for
    Please bring our troops back from this ugly war!

    So cheer up my friends and raise you glasses!
    A toast to all, good friends and badasses!
    Let’s have a ball like those days at the prom
    A Merry Christmas to all at cigarsmokers.com!
    Last edited by ndv21; 11-17-2009 at 03:01 PM.

  9. #9
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    Default

    Good stuff coming in, looks to be a good competition.

  10. #10
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    Default

    I was at the bar, Christmas eve. The crowd was kind of thin being the eve of a major holiday. I ordered up another shot of Wild Turkey, and the barmaid just gave me a look that said “don’t you have somewhere to be besides here?” I ignored her. I looked at the shot, its amber color and I actually did wonder if there was somewhere I should be. I took the shot & outted my Padron in the ashtray.

    It was getting close to closing, and I threw on my jacket and headed out. I walked down the street towards my apartment. The evening was crisp and there was no breeze. I looked at the colorful holiday ornaments adorning the street lamps & glanced at Christmas trees perched prominently in people’s houses as only a few cars made their way down the street. The red glow of the taillights matching a tinsel santa clause hanging lopsided on a mailbox.

    A dusting of snow had fallen on the ground during my time inside at the Major Purpose. I thought it was fitting, and the sky above had cleared out to a moonless night. When I got home, all the lights were off. I unlocked the door quietly, trying not to disturb the other tenants whose children I’m sure were sleeping with the proverbial sugar plums dancing. I went to the fridge. A couple of stainless pots with mac-n-cheese cluttered a mostly beverage filled appliance. I reached in and pulled out a bottle of Porter and made my way to the stereo. I slipped on the headphones and drifted off to David Bowie’s “Major Tom”

    I dreamed of earlier days. I dreamed of people I’ve met, come and gone through my life. I dreamed of women I met and never had the salt to ask out on a date. I dreamed of my family that seemed so distant. I dreamed of things I’d wished to do, and never got around to between work & other obligations.

    The next morning, I woke up. Amazingly I had no hangover. The draft of Porter sat empty next to my hand and the CD had long stopped spinning. The sun shone bright through the window on my face. Somehow I made it to the couch in the living room. I realized our Christmas tree and groggily looked at its beauty with ornaments & lights all lit. Then I heard a stirring coming from upstairs. I heard a tiny voice babbling. I realized I was in my home, with my family. I heard mommy getting Val ready to come downstairs & see what Santa brought. I remembered that there was much to prepare for Christmas dinner, where both families would visit & eat & drink and be merry.

    Throughout the day, we cooked & prepared & played. Later, when the events of the day died down, I went to the basement & realized that there was another extended family waiting to share & commiserate on the holiday events they experienced. I lit up an Anejo & logged on chat.

    Merry Christmas BOTL & SOTLs!
    Will
    ps. Thanks for the contest, Jamie...Merry Christmas
    The powers that be might take it all away
    Together we burn, together we burn away

    Uncle Tupelo

  11. #11
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EGQ View Post
    Clip, torch a cigar
    Enjoy the spirit of the days
    Brothers of the leaf
    I think you have 8 syllables in the 2nd line - Haikus are tough, it would be easier if they were in a 15-20-15 syllable format.

    -Buzz (aka the Haiku police)
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  12. #12
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    Default

    Ok, I spent all night last night coming up with this one. Sorry Kevin, I had to use you because you and Mark are the only ones I have done a deal with, and "Mark" only has one syllable...

    [clearing throat]

    You know Basil, and Corvin, and Roham, and Hefty...
    Badwhale, and Roger, and Rugby, and Cinda...
    but do you recall...
    the most famous cigarsmoker of all?

    Kevin the crazy smoker (smoker),
    has over a thousand posts (wow that's a lot).
    most of which are completely usable (usable),
    for punchlines to awesome jokes (like the knock-knock ones).

    All of the asshat users (users),
    seem to atract his witty slang (like "princess").
    They never seem to learn that (learn that),
    dumb posts receive more shame (stop crying babies).

    Then one day Santa appeared,
    brought up some posts and swoosh (uh oh Santa)!
    Kevin took notice and he replied,
    "thats some funny shit there santadouche".

    All of the CS members (members),
    smiled, grinned and laughed with glee (hee hee).
    They'll always appreciate Kevin (Kevin),
    and his hilarious commentary (and he's the nice one)!

    Thanks for the contest!
    -Buzz
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  13. #13
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    Default

    Something I wrote while at work...

    We all share a love for cigarros
    I love them more than pizza from Sbarros
    We enjoy Padrons, Padillas and Patels
    Some of us must like flavor infused cigars ‘cause Drew sells
    Stogies with coffee, scotch or beer
    Only two hundred cigars in my humi, better stock up, I fear
    Smoking while you read, watch or listen
    Sitting in the cold and feeling your bones stiffen
    With your partner, with a friend or via the net
    Smoking together beats smoking alone? You bet!
    Love the hilarity I find on cigarsmokers.com
    Christmas this year is gonna be the bomb!

    Happy Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas to all the board members
    All my ex's live in Texas.

  14. #14

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by buzz View Post
    I think you have 8 syllables in the 2nd line - Haikus are tough, it would be easier if they were in a 15-20-15 syllable format.

    -Buzz (aka the Haiku police)

  15. #15
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    Default

    Haha, sorry EGQ - I just have that annoying obsessive compulsive syllable-counting disorder.

    Here is a haiku I came up reminding me of the other night - sitting outside with my wife, nice and cold but we had the fire pit going - beautiful clear night... perfect.

    Winter cigar smoke
    Rises slowly to the stars
    Leaving us behind

    [Buzz quickly counts his syllables... thinks he is good]

    -Buzz
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  16. #16
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    Default

    Hmmmmm, Buzz the Haiku master.... amazing!
    Just another day at the office!

  17. #17
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    Default

    Haikus are stupid
    they don't ryhme and are too short
    but are fun to write



    -Buzz
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  18. #18
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    Default

    I don't know how "Christmas-y" these are.........BUT.....they are cs related..............reasonably..................

    A collection of motherfucking haikus for my motherfucking brothers of the motherfucking leaf:

    motherfucking newbs
    need to read more and post less
    kiss my big fat ass

    chugg you fat bastard
    I think all that was made up
    you fucking douchebag

    I do wish Dennis
    could just let it fucking go
    and would come back soon

    why does it seem that
    some asshole wants to sell us
    glass-top cohibas?

    i wish i could smoke
    a box of padrons before
    dinner tomorrow

    someone needs to please
    piss off kevin and basil
    i could use the laugh

    hey kaelaria
    original douchenozzle
    your reviews still suck

    ashauler talks a
    lot of shit with a poodle
    as his avatar

    I'm fucking surprised
    there's any cigars left with
    BWA around

    I think it's odd that
    there are so many people
    named Chris on this board

    where can I find both
    an asshole and a lawyer
    from New Hampshire here?

    hey DAN congrats on
    the new house and new smoke shop
    the steelers still suck

    what the fuck happened
    to craig and what the fuck is
    in his avatar?

    does anyone know
    if we are rid of daredog
    for good already?

    badwhale needs to find
    different beer to drink with
    his awesome reviews

    Hey there Dr. Deuss
    what the fuck was the point of
    all that stupid shit?

    buzz, while you are new
    and your shit doesn't stink yet
    we'll still find you out

    hey there hex thanks for
    putting up with all our shit
    keep up the great work

    all you douchenozzles
    go and fuck yourselves and have
    a Merry Christmas
    Last edited by mrtr33; 11-25-2009 at 04:32 PM. Reason: Damn Haiku police


    Age Quod Agis

    1 Strike

  19. #19
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    Default

    chugg you fat bastard
    I think all of that was made up
    you fucking douchebag
    Illegal Haiku!

    badwhale needs to find
    a different beer to drink with
    his awesome reviews
    Illegal Haiku!

    Hey Dr. Deuss
    what the fuck was the point of
    all that stupid shit?
    Illegal Haiku!

    buzz, while you are new
    and your shit doesn't stink yet
    we'll still find you out
    Checking smell... oh yeah it stinks bad today...

    -Buzz
    Quote Originally Posted by badwhale View Post
    Buzz is smoking our cigars. This probably is his triumphant scam.

  20. #20
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mrtr33 View Post
    I don't know how "Christmas-y" these are.........BUT.....they are cs related..............reasonably..................

    A collection of motherfucking haikus for my motherfucking brothers of the motherfucking leaf:

    ashauler talks a
    lot of shit with a poodle
    as his avatar
    Well, Stanley isn't a fuckin' poodle and you just made his shit-list. He'll bite your goddamn ankles bloody boy!!

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