1. Go to BestBuy (or local equivalent).
2. Buy new printer. Choose one that is "last year's model." (See 4., below)
3. Put old printer at curbside the day before garbage pickup. Optionally, stick sign on that says "Still sorta works."
4. Go to manufacturer's website and download/install updated printer drivers (because the drivers on the CD that comes with the printer will have some bug that reformats your hard drive).

Optionally, step 0: Find printer service manual on Internet. Take printer apart and fiddle with it. Then proceed to step 1.