Someone needs to be bombed...(contest)

**guado** · 06-28-2011, 04:07 PM

I want to laugh...

Give me a story(cigar related of course) of yourself doing something stupid etc regarding a cigar experience. This will be open for one week. Winner will get nuked.

If your mailbox is weak don't bother entering...

This will be judged by me so grammar doesnt count but at least paint a decent picture for the story(in words...although I Am sure some of you have MAD crayon skills).

~Eddie

**nhcigarfan** · 06-28-2011, 05:03 PM

Stupid... here goes.

I bought an acid to try for the first time back when I was just getting started with the hobbie. I had only had a couple of decient (read not backwoods) cigars and the guy at the shop suggest a blonde.

So in hindsight smoking that is in-and-of itself was stupid but here is the kicker. I smoked it in my car, it was summer and even with the window cracked I kept the AC on with the cabin air circulating through the system.. including the cabin filter.

So not only did the cigar suck it took over a month for the smell to go away... until it got cold out and I turned the heater on and somehow reactivated it and got to enjoy it all over again for about a week until the finally changed the cabin filter.

So my stupid came with punishment and a reminder of how stupid I was. Not even my wife holds a grudge that long.

**WIP** · 06-28-2011, 07:12 PM

I don't have a lot of funny stories about cigars, but I will give it a shot. Thanks for the chance at least.

Last Friday I was working installing bird nets at one of our vineyards. I had a crappy cigar hanging out of my mouth while I was fighting to get a net draped over a chardonnay vine. My face was within a foot of the canopy when a Mockingbird flew out nearly taking my face off. Approximately 5 minutes later I realized that I didn't have the cigar in my mouth. I found it in the dry grass where I had the encounter with the bird. Luckily there was only a silver dollar sized burned spot.

I am now only going to smoke on the tractor.

I can't wait to hear the other stories.

**EGQ** · 06-29-2011, 10:25 AM

I've got a few, but I personally think this one is the best:

I was golfing with my brother and two friends. I broke out the cigars on the front nine and again on the back nine. The twins smoke ocassionally, but not regularly. We're on the 15th hole at Mistwood -- it's a huge dog leg left and if you have the distance with a driver you can eliminate the dog leg and play over the water and turn a monster par 5 into a relatively easy birdie opportunity.

We all shoot over the water -- but when you do that, you have to contend with three huge sandtraps. We all had a ball in play and we head off for our second shots. We were all smoking Padrons and one of the twins (the one that was driving the cart) was going on and on about how good of a cigar it was. So we get to the general area where the balls are when the twins realize that they shot past one of their balls and have to circle back -- the driver turns the cart around to head back -- he goes up a hill and completely forgets the sandtrap on the other side because he is so enthralled with the smoke... He was inches away from missing the trap altogether, but the right front wheel caught the lip of the trap -- from the peak of the hill to the bottom of the trap was a good 10 feet. My brother and I both tried to yell out a second before it all went south, but there wasn't time for them to react. The cart started to tip, and just about the point that it was going to tumble, the passenger dropped straight down, feet first and was able to roll clear of the falling cart. The driver wasn't so lucky -- he satyed in the cart, banged his elbow pretty badly, but all things considered, was in decent shape.

The cart landed flush on its side and was a mess -- the bench seat popped off, they broke the bead on one of the tires and had a flat, the roof was slightly tilted and there was sand everywhere. The guys on the tee behind us saw the whole thing and came rushing out to help -- we got the cart out, did some patchwork on the trap and called the club house for a new cart. Just as we get everything back in order, the driving twin steps back into the trap and picks up his Padron -- dusts of a little sand and takes a long draw and says "damn, that is good." The passenger twin wasn't amused...

I truly regret not stopping and snapping a few pics with the camera phone -- we were too concerned with their well-being, and once we realized they were relatively unscathed, our focus shifted to repairing the trap and making the cart look as presentable as possible -- we were pretty confident we were in the clear and the course wasn't going to notice anything other than the flat tire. We finish the round and head for the bar -- only to be greeted by the bartender with a an enthusuastic "what the hell happened to you guys on 15?" The ass-hats on the tee behind us played thru and blabbed when they got back to the clubhouse.

**guado** · 06-29-2011, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by EGQ

I've got a few, but I personally think this one is the best:

I was golfing with my brother and two friends. I broke out the cigars on the front nine and again on the back nine. The twins smoke ocassionally, but not regularly. We're on the 15th hole at Mistwood -- it's a huge dog leg left and if you have the distance with a driver you can eliminate the dog leg and play over the water and turn a monster par 5 into a relatively easy birdie opportunity.

We all shoot over the water -- but when you do that, you have to contend with three huge sandtraps. We all had a ball in play and we head off for our second shots. We were all smoking Padrons and one of the twins (the one that was driving the cart) was going on and on about how good of a cigar it was. So we get to the general area where the balls are when the twins realize that they shot past one of their balls and have to circle back -- the driver turns the cart around to head back -- he goes up a hill and completely forgets the sandtrap on the other side because he is so enthralled with the smoke... He was inches away from missing the trap altogether, but the right front wheel caught the lip of the trap -- from the peak of the hill to the bottom of the trap was a good 10 feet. My brother and I both tried to yell out a second before it all went south, but there wasn't time for them to react. The cart started to tip, and just about the point that it was going to tumble, the passenger dropped straight down, feet first and was able to roll clear of the falling cart. The driver wasn't so lucky -- he satyed in the cart, banged his elbow pretty badly, but all things considered, was in decent shape.

The cart landed flush on its side and was a mess -- the bench seat popped off, they broke the bead on one of the tires and had a flat, the roof was slightly tilted and there was sand everywhere. The guys on the tee behind us saw the whole thing and came rushing out to help -- we got the cart out, did some patchwork on the trap and called the club house for a new cart. Just as we get everything back in order, the driving twin steps back into the trap and picks up his Padron -- dusts of a little sand and takes a long draw and says "damn, that is good." The passenger twin wasn't amused...

I truly regret not stopping and snapping a few pics with the camera phone -- we were too concerned with their well-being, and once we realized they were relatively unscathed, our focus shifted to repairing the trap and making the cart look as presentable as possible -- we were pretty confident we were in the clear and the course wasn't going to notice anything other than the flat tire. We finish the round and head for the bar -- only to be greeted by the bartender with a an enthusuastic "what the hell happened to you guys on 15?" The ass-hats on the tee behind us played thru and blabbed when they got back to the clubhouse.

although its not you that story rocked... i hoep to see some more good ones!

**EGQ** · 06-30-2011, 10:52 AM

My stupidity tends to emerge in other areas (several other areas)... I have a good story about a brother-in-law lighting up a Fuente King B -- cedar wrap, red ribbon and all -- he was almost half-way done with it before I realized what he had done. He never once complained...

Thanks for the contest, Eddie.

**Paddy** · 06-30-2011, 01:00 PM

A Santa Clara Robusto, a Mexican Hooker and a bottle of mezcal..........

**guado** · 06-30-2011, 01:38 PM

Originally Posted by Paddy

A Santa Clara Robusto, a Mexican Hooker and a bottle of mezcal..........

If there was some peyote this story would have been good...

**guado** · 07-05-2011, 04:12 PM

no one else??

**Trilobyte** · 07-05-2011, 04:48 PM

...

**Eville** · 07-05-2011, 05:58 PM

Back when I was in High School, maybe the summer before senior year, I had just turned 18 and was out celebrating the 4th of July in grand country tradition. I had a couple hundred bucks worth of artillery shells and roman candles, a butane lighter, and, apparently, a fearlessness that can only be attained through inexperience and raging testosterone. It did not take long for the 2 factions of us who were there to turn our tubes from the sky and level them off into each other, all in good fun of course. After the epic 500 gram battle raged for a few minutes, a buddy of mine pulled out 2 fountains appropriately called "Frosty Mug O Beer." Now, the stipulation upon which he purchased these fountains was that I would hold one in each hand and run around with them. Now seemed as good a time as any, and I was about half way through my cigar of choice for the night. And so, with a cardboard container full of gunpowder in each hand and a cigar in mouth, it was time for the bayonet charge.

Definitely one of my favorite Fourths so far. As for the remainder of the shells...

And there you have it. One story of (mainly) stupidity and (vaguely) cigars. Several articles of clothing were very much harmed in the making of this memory.

ETA: Thanks for the contest and all of the participants for sharing their stories.