Prophylactic_Joe,

Santa has been watching you closely this year. I’m torn because I have had reports of you chasing gray haired little old ladies on your motorcycle while wearing ass-less chaps. Some reports indicate you were exhibiting road rage and aggressive behavior, while others suggest you were just trying to get their phone numbers.

I have not concluded my investigation yet, so perhaps you can tell Santa what items you have on your Xmas list. I do know you like to smoke some fine sticks at times, but perhaps there are some you haven’t tried but want to? Throw Santa a bone here (not the one in your pants) and maybe your wishes will be granted pending a positive investigation of your behaviour this year. If the investigation does not turn out positive, Santa won't leave you hanging. I have some nicely aged Century Sams and some Coors Light to restock your fridge for your "friends".

Santa.