Eville, Eville, Eville,

[Secret Santa]

Since I see you when you sleep and know when you are awake you must be fully aware that I have been watching you cheat your way through this fantasy football thing, right? A billion dollars, world peace, Katy Perry nude, hell there is even Brad Pitt nude...of all the things to sell your soul for you chose this years cigarsmoker's fantasy football league. And you still managed to lose a game! Wow. Well, since I know you it doesn't take much to turn your crank I've been saving the back wash from my beer and all my cigar butts all year long and I now have it all packed up and tagged with your name. Before I climb on my red nosed pony and make my way to your place this year do you have any special requests?

[Eville]

Psh, I can get Katy Perry on my own. This Fantasy Football thing though? That takes some help! Since I am just now seeing this and tomorrow is the last day to mail, my only special request is for someone to fix that damn "New Posts" button; or at least turn the "except for threads you are active in" valve back to "off". Butt really though I like 'em all. I'm sure you'll pick (have picked) em good!

[CoventryCat86]

Santa, he was just complaining to me about not being able to get Backwoods Smokes in Europe so send him those. That's what he really wants, he's just too timid to ask.

[Eville]

Woops, guess I should update my profile! Back in Missouri now. Plenty of Backwoods in the backwoods.

[Secret Santa]

The gift will be a bit late getting out. Rudolph got a hold of a bad burrito and nobody wanted to be behind him pulling the sleigh for a couple of days. He is all good now so we will take flight Monday and should be able to get your gift to you this week. My apologies for the delay. If you ever make it up to the North Pole I'll make it up to you by letting you give Mrs. Claus the "Ol' South Pole" treatment, if you know what I mean.

-Santa Claus

[Eville]

No worries, Santa. I'll be around here until Wednesday of Next week so it shouldn't be an issue. I'm going to hold you the Mrs. Claus offer though!

[badwhale]

From Katy Perry to Mrs. Claus, and anything in between with a heartbeat...

ETA: Apologies Santa, but in my defense, I've never seen a Katy Perry-esque Mrs. Santa in any of the classic depictions...

[Eville]

Well, Santa came today and I am sorely disappointed. I would have thought someone of your age could count to 5. You must have just lost count and kept throwing more in until you were sure it was at least 5!

Seriously though, I was completely blown away. A very fine selection of cigars and you somehow knew that snickerdoodles are my favorite cookie. I wish I could smoke them all at once!