DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has
none. You feel guilty
for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for
you.
REPUBLICANISM You have two cows. Your neighbor has
none. So?
SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes
one and gives it to
your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him
how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST You have two cows. The government seizes
both and provides
you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and
sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You
sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. Under
the new farm
program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then
pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell
one, lease it back to
yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the
two cows to produce
the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one
cow drops dead. You
spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have downsized and are
reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on
strike because you want
three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is
good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You
redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top
of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You engineer
them so they are all
blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality
milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also
demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows but you don't
know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You
break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You have some
vodka. You count
them and learn you have five cows. You have some
more vodka. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia
shows up and takes over
however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION You have all the cows in
Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature' private
parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US
government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to
buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION You have two cows. They go into
hiding. They send
radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION You have two bulls. Employees are
regularly maimed
and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION You have one cow. The cow is
schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times
he's Flemish. The
Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The
French cow wants
control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks
permission to be cut in
half. The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION You have a black cow and a
brown cow. Everyone
votes for the best looking one. Some of the people
who actually like the
brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for
both. Some people vote for neither. Some people
can't figure out how to
vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
out-of-state tell you which
one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION You have millions of cows.
They make real
California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are
illegals. Arnold
likes the ones with the big udders
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