Sex!

**BigMacFU** · 03-01-2006, 03:15 PM

Boy, I gotta stop having sex with my wife so I can pay attention to board, apparently I can get all the sex I need right here (it worked for Monica, right?).

Now, CC, you're clearly too much of a pussy to even begin a bidding war.

Grandpa, you're too old, we don't need your heart aggravated.

Cinda, you're too...female.

DG, same for you, too female.

Shag, your name disqualifies you, this isn't a shag thread.

Poppapuff, you can bid all you want, and you have the right, but, top this!

I will pay with one Stradivari

that my family has kept since we first bought it in Italy 12 generations ago. I will also throw in

rare Inigo Montoya Churchills. Finally, I will include the number 4 brief case from next weeks episode of "Deal or No Deal?"

That's it, you can all go home.

Good night.

**cigar no baka** · 03-01-2006, 03:40 PM

All of you assholes can go to hell, I'll give you a Spiderman #1 signed by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee in mint condition for all four boxes. Now you guys can stick that in your pooper and pucker up.

**prophetic_joe** · 03-01-2006, 03:47 PM

Bastards. I go away and everyone tops my bid. Fuck this, I'll pay $300 per box and I'll include my collection of baseball card which includes autographed copies of each of the players named to have used steroids in Jose Canseco's book Juiced. Oh and I'll throw in a batch of Shag's Aunt Ethel;s jerky I still have some left from a trade we did awhile back.

bigpoppapuff · 03-01-2006, 03:53 PM

okay....i took some bottles back to the store...so,i can go $192.40 on one box...i'll pm you my address...this is terrific...

**ukyfan** · 03-01-2006, 03:59 PM

OK, I got nudie pics of BigMacFU's wife. Try and top that one, for all the boxes

**prophetic_joe** · 03-01-2006, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by ukyfan

OK, I got nudie pics of BigMacFU's wife. Try and top that one, for all the boxes

Dude who doesn't?

**Shagaroo** · 03-01-2006, 04:16 PM

Guys, there is a line about 10 feet behind ya. It's that line marked To Damn Far. You might want to get back across it.

**Kenyth** · 03-01-2006, 06:02 PM

I've gotcha all beat!

I will trade you my most prized possession! My great-grampa's gold war watch. This watch I got here was first purchased by my great-granddaddy. It was bought during the First World War in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge the day he set sail for Paris. It was my great- granddaddy's war watch, made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. You see, up until then, people just carried pocket watches. My great-granddaddy wore that watch every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty, he went home to my great- grandmother, took the watch off his wrist and put it in an ol' coffee can. And in that can it stayed 'til my grandfather Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War Two. My great-granddaddy gave it to my granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. My granddad was a Marine and he was killed with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. My granddad was facing death and he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, my 22-year old grandfather asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he had never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, my grandfather was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to my grandmother, delivering to my infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch. This watch was on my Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it's be confiscated. The way my Daddy looked at it, that watch was my birthright. And he'd be damned if and slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide somethin'. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of disentary, he gave Captain Koons the watch. He hid with the uncomfortable hunk of metal up his ass for two years. Then, after seven years, he was sent home to his family. Then he paid me a visit, and gave the watch to me, like he promised my father.

I offer this watch to you! As further incentive I also offer you Zed's custom Harley-Davidson chopper. Try and beat THAT offer you Phillie smoking fools!

Anyone wanna ask who Zed is?

**nhcigarfan** · 03-01-2006, 06:07 PM

Zeds dead baby, Zeds dead..

bigpoppapuff · 03-01-2006, 06:51 PM

kenyth.......

..........awesome post!!!!

**basil** · 03-01-2006, 07:06 PM

A coupla hard, pipe-hittin, n****** with pliars and a blow torch got medievel on Zeb's ass.

**Kenyth** · 03-01-2006, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by bigpoppapuff

kenyth.......

..........awesome post!!!!

*bows*

Thank you! Thank you!

bigpoppapuff · 03-01-2006, 07:37 PM

now......back to the bidding...i want one box....and,where is nino?????...

**BigMacFU** · 03-01-2006, 07:52 PM

Dude, of course you have pics of my wife, I publish them, how do you think I afford all the nice cigars I got. A Stradivari violin is still the most prized possession offered, and if you agree to my deal now, I'll throw in a free night at Carnegie Hall with Yo-Yo Ma playing your new violin.

**ggiese** · 03-01-2006, 11:20 PM

Originally Posted by Kenyth

*bows*

Thank you! Thank you!

Don't take a bow, you thief!!! That was from Pulp Fiction, you friggen faker!!!

You guys are something else... Okay - I'm going with $425 per box - cash money - have the cash to you tomorrow.. We got a deal???

bigpoppapuff · 03-02-2006, 12:06 AM

i found a two dollar bill while walking my dogs tonight....i can go $192.50 for one box....pm me, i'll get you my address.......i'm sure this bid is much higher than you could have imagined......i'm that kinda guy...

**Kenyth** · 03-02-2006, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by ggiese

Don't take a bow, you thief!!! That was from Pulp Fiction, you friggen faker!!!

You guys are something else... Okay - I'm going with $425 per box - cash money - have the cash to you tomorrow.. We got a deal???

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Careful there killer, you might get caught using the bathroom one of these days while I'm making Pop-Tarts. That's how I get 'em, they keep underestimating me.

**Kayakinboy** · 03-02-2006, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by ggiese

Don't take a bow, you thief!!! That was from Pulp Fiction, you friggen faker!!!

You guys are something else... Okay - I'm going with $425 per box - cash money - have the cash to you tomorrow.. We got a deal???

Hey Gramps, and the rest of you hilly billys, I told him 525, now where is my PM? I think he sold to someone else....