Hey Ruger, how the fuck are ya??

I don't believe it. I saw your little woman the other day and she said they were gonna let you out. Good to see you back on the streets. Surprised, tho. I didn't think they'd ever let you out after the incident with the goats and chickens at the rest stop on I40. But hey, this is America! God bless the good ol' U S of A, right? By the way, the wife really appreciated the 5 bucks. She wanted to give me change but I wouldn't hear of it. I know she's tryin; to get enough to replace the tire under the front porch. The place is gonna look real spiffy when you get home. She's been workin' real hard and has a flavored Cuban cigar all ready. She bought it on the internet from some guy in Mexico. Don't think it was flavored at the time, tho. She said if it's good enough for ol' Billy Jeff then it's good enough for you. But judging from that last time she pulled it out from the old "humidor", it might be a little hard to light.

Your brother got married while you were away. Real nice girl. And it's good to know that the genes will stay in the family. I think he met her at last month's family reunion. I always said your bro was a good guy. I couldn't imaging takin care of 9 kids like that all at once. I think the next one is due in November. Can't wait to see the polaroids from the wedding! Hope he has better luck getting them pottie trained. His place is gettin' kinda messed up now. Had to drink my Budweiser outside last week.

So, did they fix your teeth while you were gone? That was too bad about gettin' kicked by the horse, but you shoulda listened to your daddy 'cause he's got lots of experience. He said he told you a million times not to ever approach a horse from behind when you want to ride it. Next time make friends with the horse first. He said he learned that lesson a few months before you were born. By the way, he's got a new trick to show you. Somethin' to do with honey and a calf.

Heard your grandma messed up a state trooper pretty good a while back after a church service. She got pissed at him when he tried to arrest her for doin' the thing with the donkey for the pastor. Isn't he a relative of yours? (the pastor, not the donkey... ha ha ha.) Poor old dear. Those damn cops just didn't understand what it's like now that the welfare checks have stopped. Fuckin' police brutality if you ask me! I hope they hang the bastard after he gets out of the hospital. Too bad they got his pecker back on. It was a good thing it was a Sunday otherwise she might not have had her teeth in and wouldn't have been able to defend herself properly. I really wish she had never told your old lady about that trick.

Listen. get in touch with the wife before you get home. I'm sure she's gonna want to kick Jimmy Joe and Frankie out before you get there. She showed us the special "welcome home" trick she's savin' just for you. Take it from me, you're gonna love it. Everybody else thinks so too! (If the house is rockin don't bother knockin'... ha ha ha)

Well, that's about it. If I'm at your place when you get there, don't worry about it. I'll leave right away and take Jimmy and Frankie with me so you can have some quality time with the missus.

Later Dude!