Cigar smoking judge

[SFG75]

I've seen this one around a lot, not sure if others have. Enjoy!.


************************************************** *****************
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now, " said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.

"Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them, " said the lawyer.

"But I did send them, " said the defendant.

"What?? You did?"

"Yes, That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand, " said the lawyer.

"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."

[CoventryCat86]

It's stupid, now please leave. Am I going to have to send Zac money so he can get the Island back on line so you'll leave us alone? If so, please PM me his address and I'll get a check off to him ASAP.

[jaewing]

LOL

As for you cat . . . stop it.

[SFG75]

Okay, this one is a bit suggestive, so I apologize ahead of time.

All The Better To Light Your Cigar

Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he did not have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "Where did you get that monster?"

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked. "Yes, he is right here in my golf bag."

"Could I see him?"

He opened his golf bag and out popped the genie. The friend turned to the genie and said,

"I am a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said.

"I wish for a million bucks!"

The genie hopped back into the golf bag and left him standing there waiting for his wish to be delivered.

Suddenly the sky began to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead was heard.

The friend turned to his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?"

[CoventryCat86]

LOL

As for you cat . . . stop it.

I'm not taking orders from you so go screw yourself.

Scotty is a first class POS and who cares if "he didn't do anything here" He's an arrogant, pig headed liar who did such an awful job "moderating" over at the Island of the Misfit Toys, the site wound up crashing and burning. He was only one of four people ever "banned" from CigarPass because of how he conducts himself on internet BB's.

jrewing, I would suggest that you keep your big mouth shut and read and learn.

Oh and Scotty Boy, your second joke was stupider than the first one.

PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE

[SFG75]

Glad ya liked it Jae.

[labmonkey]

That second one was funny.....

[Drake]

i heard the second one in middle school. i remember laughing i think. i liked the first. here's one:

This guy gets a call from the hospital that his wife was in a car accident, so he rushes down to the hospital and the doctor says,

"Well, your wife is alive, but I have some bad news... she's basically a vegetable. You're going to have to take care of her, feed her, change her diaper and pay her medical bills until she dies, which might not be for 20 years."

And the guy says,

"Oh god, how am I ever going to be able to deal with this!?"

And the doctor says,

"Relax, I'm just fuckin with you... she's dead."






and:


Welfare Cruelty

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd
really
rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.

You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

[labmonkey]

[jaewing]

Drake . . .

First joke I have to say

Second joke . . . LOL