Divorce

[Loudpipes78]

Goddamn bro.

Mike, I'm pretty sure that only in the movies do these kind of things work out. All her confusion about what she really wants is 100% BS. All those "I don't knows" are too. She damn well does know, and using that statement is crap. Of course she doesn't know who she wants; she is very, very sure about one thing: she does not want to commit. And she knows why too. It doesn't matter though, to anyone but her. And really, it's none of your business.

Flip that girl a quarter (35, now I guess) and tell her to call you when she grows up. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do for 1) a clean break, and 2) to get past this in a way that you have really let it go (whether or not she has is completely beside the point) so you can get on with your life.

It might not seem like it now, but all this drama won't be as important after some time has passed.

Life is too short for this kind of brain damage. I won't say good luck, because it ain't about luck. It's about how you choose to move forward.

It will never "work out" now, I decided 100% yesterday there is no chance EVER things will turn around. It might be hard for me at times but she will be out of my like completely and I'll move on. I keep hearing from people that she is/was definitely confused but what you said.... DEAD FUCKING ON! Wow! "she is very, very sure about one thing: she does not want to commit. And she knows why too."

My best friend's Dad that helped me make my own decisions about all this (didn't tell me what to do or even what he would do) said the same shit. He's 51 and he said in 5-10 years when I'm in my 30s I'll look back and realize this was just a bump in the road of life.

Well so far any moving forward is and will continue to be on the high road. I will not try to hurt her like she did me even though a small part of me wants to. I wish her nothing but the best and I know karma will be around at some point to give her what she deserves.

This is a pretty important statement. As long as you know this, you get to walk away with no regrets.

It's the one thing I'm sure of in all of this and hopefully you're right so far it has made it easier because not one person I have talked to would have even given her a shot after hearing on Sunday "I love him."

[basil]

One other thing. You may have heard this already, but a divorce is a kind of death - the death of the relationship. And regardless of how much it needed to happen, it still takes a while to grieve, and move on. Important: Eat right, get plenty of rest, attend to your responsibilities, spend time with friends. Suit up, show up, and keep it simple.

[Empire23]

Sorry to hear about that. Ive never been through it in your case, but i just recently found out that the girl i was with on and off for 7 years was cheating on me too. Sorry, but in my book, once they cheat, its over. No more "We can make this work" stuff, its just over. If I cant trust someone, theres no way I want to live like that. I know you probably love her still because thats how I am with my ex, but nothing can fix cheating.

Good luck with everything else.

[bluesman455]

I didn't read your post.divorced in 93' here after 11 years my sons are 22 and 20 the bitch cheated on me and then left me... I kept the house she re- married and then cheated on him and got her 2nd divorce after 7 years and now she is going on her 3rd. BTW I still pay $165 a week in support because NYS. you pay untill 21.The thing that is getting me through this is...rum,bourbon and cigars and these BB's...hang in there bro'.

[BigMacFU]

sorry to read this loudpipes. Good luck with everything, hopefully it'll be a clean legal matter as you two are young and don't have kids.

Basil's advice is right on.

[ashauler]

Damn sorry to hear this Loudpipes!! It will get better though, from my experience:
1. came home one night, locks changed, clothes on the porch
2. had 37 cents in my pocket
3. went to the ATM.....empty
4. had to live with parents
5. got raped in the divorce
6. spent 16 years paying child support
7. met a GOOD woman
8. have been married to her for 15 years
9. she loves me
10. I love her

LIFE IS GOOD!! Even better because:
1. The EX has had 13 different guys in this time
2. Youngest daughter has a protection order against her and wants nothing to do with her
3. She is alone and lonely
4. she has gained 100 lbs since the divorce
5. She can't hold a job
6. I don't have to pay for it anymore.

Moral of this story.......Karma gives the best smack-down of all. Keep your head up and know that you made the best effort possible, and have held the high-ground through the whole deal. The pay-back she has coming will get there eventually, and you won't have to do a thing!!

[Loudpipes78]

Thanks all.... sitting here at my office for the first time since Thursday morning when I thought I still had a chance and it's kind of rough. I've been with my company for 4.5 years and we're like family here so it's going to be hard to tell everyone.

As of now I have no intention to move but if I do the updated address will be posted, luckily I am in a spot where I can sustain myself.

Roham, I'll definitely check out plentyoffish.com but not yet, I am not taking any chances by doing something... ur... someone... stupid until the divorce is final, it's just not worth the risk.

Roham and Baron Porthos, I appreciate the offer, and who knows, I may take you up on it at some point. Right now I have South Florida (Mom) and Tampa (Guado) in my immediate future but it's hard to say what I'll need or want after the first of the year. My best friend (like a lil' brother to me) and I are talking about 4 days in Las Vegas. "Vegas baby... VEGAS!!!!!" [/Swingers]

dHutch, the comment "drive on" made me smirk, the Montgomery Gentry song Speed has been playing a ton the last day or so and thanks in advance for the care package.

Basil, I made the death analogy myself yesterday morning for the first time, pondered out loud if work would give me "bereavement." I also really need to focus on sleeping enough and eating right because so far I've been bad about it but I recognized it was a problem Saturday and have already been working on correcting it.

My friends and family have been amazing so far and I know they will continue to be. The offers to go do something, get away, come take a trip, just talk etc, etc have been flowing in.




I fired up an RP OWR Friday night when I was having a couple beers with my friends, talking over everything, and it was such a great smoke. I've been holding the OWRs back for something special and I figured the restart of my life as an individual definitely called for it.


I am not going anywhere and updates will follow. Being able to write about this has been a big help already.



Thanks again everyone.

[Shelby07]

I just read the entire thread and it just makes me sick when people have to go through this. I am so sorry for your misfortune. It sounds as if you have a great network of friends and family around you so I won't offer any emotional advice (you'll get plenty) but I will offer a little practical advice, if that's ok.

You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and probably are not thinking too clearly. I would venture to say that there is a part of you that really doesn't want this to happen. Right now it sounds as if she doesn't want much, or feels she doesn't deserve much. Over time that will probably change. She might start feeling bitter that you wouldn't take her back or that something you did "caused" her to seek out someone else, and sooner or later her friends are going to convince her that she deserves something for the years she has invested. Either way, it's gonna be your fault. If she gets a lawyer, it's all over. So the practical advice??

Protect whatever assets you have, even of you don't think there is much to protect. I know you took her name off your accounts, but in a lot of states that's still considered joint assets, as is everything you have acquired during the marriage (401K's, savings, gifts, etc.) Find out if you might be responsible for some of her schooling or support, especially if you have a pattern of pulling her through the tough times. Alimony really sucks. Don't let too much water go under the bridge before addressing the practical part of the divorce. It's too easy to just let things go until it's too late. At least talk with a lawyer and find out the facts about the state, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

If you're going to get the divorce, do it quickly before she has time to think about things. I know it sounds hard, and I don't even like saying it, but it's the way things work. Get the agreements in writing now and get the divorce over with as soon as possible.

And remember, she is getting advice and support, too.

[Loudpipes78]

I just read the entire thread and it just makes me sick when people have to go through this. I am so sorry for your misfortune. It sounds as if you have a great network of friends and family around you so I won't offer any emotional advice (you'll get plenty) but I will offer a little practical advice, if that's ok.

You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and probably are not thinking too clearly. I would venture to say that there is a part of you that really doesn't want this to happen. Right now it sounds as if she doesn't want much, or feels she doesn't deserve much. Over time that will probably change. She might start feeling bitter that you wouldn't take her back or that something you did "caused" her to seek out someone else, and sooner or later her friends are going to convince her that she deserves something for the years she has invested. Either way, it's gonna be your fault. If she gets a lawyer, it's all over. So the practical advice??

Protect whatever assets you have, even of you don't think there is much to protect. I know you took her name off your accounts, but in a lot of states that's still considered joint assets, as is everything you have acquired during the marriage (401K's, savings, gifts, etc.) Find out if you might be responsible for some of her schooling or support, especially if you have a pattern of pulling her through the tough times. Alimony really sucks. Don't let too much water go under the bridge before addressing the practical part of the divorce. It's too easy to just let things go until it's too late. At least talk with a lawyer and find out the facts about the state, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

If you're going to get the divorce, do it quickly before she has time to think about things. I know it sounds hard, and I don't even like saying it, but it's the way things work. Get the agreements in writing now and get the divorce over with as soon as possible.

And remember, she is getting advice and support, too.

I know she is getting advice and support, too but at this point it's only from co-workers at best, she really doesn't have anybody else, including her family. They are all quite upset with her that she went about things how she did, if the marriage was over then she should have ended it, not cheated, and then continued to do so even after the 2nd chance.

I spoke to lawyer Monday morning, he only does civil (working on a car accident for me at the moment), no divorce, but he said he knows how it all works and we ran down the majority of the big points.

If she went to get a lawyer at this point they most likely wouldn't take the case because the only thing for her to gain is 1/2 of approx. 8k.

Alimony... if anything I'm the one entitled to it... just based on her paying back money that was mine (my Dad's life insurance for example)

I have been very practical about this since Monday before it was over, prepared myself in case this got really nasty, even though I would be the one that would win that, too. If she decided to do play dirty she'd be entering a losing battle and actually knows better.

I am not sitting on my haunches through this, I'll be getting it resolved and ended, ASAP

[chefchris]

it drains me to read this. man, i am so sorry.

[heftysmokes]

it drains me to read this. man, i am so sorry.

wow, me too.

[Loudpipes78]

Thanks all.

Tomorrow will be the big day... filing the papers... getting my name off the VW... getting her name off the Saturn.... splitting the insurance... cancelling the life insurance policies.

I just hope everything goes smooth, if so, then I can focus on the weekend, and getting away to Tampa for 3 days for some smoke time with BOTL GUADO.

[Fro-nig]

sorry to hear about your troubles man. sounds like things are going along as smooth as possible. i dont believe in divorce, but, if i was placed in your shoes i think that i would be getting one to.

best of luck! i will smoke one tom. just for you!!!

[dHUTCH]

I think someone already said it best...."wow." Drive on, beat the pain and you will soon be much happier than you were before. It will be tough, but that's what friends and family are for .

P.S. -Don't move apartments...care package coming your way!

[Roham]

Definitely time to move on. Don't look back. And when you are ready, start dating again. It will help get your mind off her. You are young and there are plenty of fish out there... Actually go to plentyoffish.com and fill out a profile, it's totaly free and it'll help get your mind off the current events.

[Baron Porthos]

That is some shit. Glad you were able to see it clearly. Sounds like you made the right decision. Let me know if you are getting out of town for a few days. The Milwaukee area sucks this time of year but for a day or two there are enough cigar lounges to visit.


Baron

[Bassfever]

Really sorry to hear this. Take it from someone who thought she could change and made the mistake of taking her back. They can't. You made the right choice. If you need to get away my door is always open. Time will heal