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to the board: . . . gosh, i was just reading my "apology" and the comments it received . . . i was annoyed at first that it was thought to be insincere but i realized that i STILL have more growing up to do and a LOT more THINKING before I post.
i sincerely wish i could convey my thoughts with some emotion instead of through email but you guys need to know this regardless. i would like to give this another go. . . . to the members of cigarsmokers, i am 100% sorry for the comments I made. i am 100% wrong. not only to say those things on the board, but in general, socially. what i said, and how i feel, how racist and hatefull i am is wrong . . . unnaceptable. i want you to know, each and everyone of you, that i regret messing things up for myself on here. i am 100 times sorry for my racist comments, my hateful comments, my talking out of my ass immature comments. i am BEGGING, not because it was recommended i do so, but because i honestly want you to, whether i get allowed back or not to FORGIVE ME . . . PLEASE. i now know that even if i apologize and leave, that i cant leave you guys hating me for what i said because it means i have no remorse to ask for your forgiveness. and it means i havent changed.
i want you to know, that i am constantly reflecting on my racism. i am talking about it with other people and am realizing i need to be more accepting. i DONT WANT to be racist. i am sorry for bringing it out here. please forgive me for doing so. i AM sorry.
i might not be so thorough in the next part of this but please know i am not trying to make excuses I'm just trying to remember anyone i might have offended.
ok here goes:
CoventryCat . . . I wanted to apologize to you personally. and ask for YOUR forgiveness. I talked bad about you in PM to Neuro. I imagine you know what i said but if its allright with you, I'd like to make it public. I basically talked about how i personally thought CC a jerk although i know i used much worse words than that. i honestly cant remember right now but my point is that i should never have a. said those things about another member.b if i was having a problem with them i should have gone to THEM and ONLY THEM. and c. i shouldnt have talked about ANYONE behind their backs.
so, CC, please find it in your heart to forgive me. i truly am sorry. i filled my head with imaginary and unnecessary hatred towards you simply because you tried to set me straight as a newb once or twice and instead of respecting that and thanking you i took it against you and im very sorry. i hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
BASIL: Basil . . . you have every right to be upset with me. i want to apologize to you personally as well. On the PIF thread, I WAS an ass and i see that now. i want you to know though, . . . no, there is no excuse, and i wont make one. thats the problem i have . . even in my apology i was making excuses and attacking people . . . basil, I'm sorry i was such an ass only to gain free cigars. it wasnt about the cigars, it was about "winning" and i should have seen past that and damaged a possible friendship in the process. at the very least, an acquaintance. i hope you as well can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Kayakinboy:I want to apologize to you as well. i am sorry if i offended you by making comments about your faith or beliefs and your opinion on abortion or gays etc. i am sorry if i attacked you in any way and made you feel uncomfortable here. i am sorry for going overboard and picking a fight with you. i hope you can forgive me as well
Hex: I am sorry that i brought this into your board. I am sorry i didnt think before i posted. and last but not least, i am 100 times sorry i caused you so much grief while on your vacation or business trip. i truly am. i hope -you- can forgive me as well.
in conclusion, to the board . . . i want to apologize for my racist comments, i truly hope you can forgive me. i also want to apologize for my shitty apology. i re read it and thanks to Basil and CC i could see just how shitty it was.
all i did was mask my attacks and excuses with a sorry apology. please know this. I know i was wrong. I am 1000000 times sorry for what i said, and the fact that i said it. not just for saying it here but for WHAT i said. . . for being a racist, for offending ANY of you and for making an otherwise normal thread a. go into the politics forum and b. be ruined by a dumbass(me)
please . . . forgive me for the stupid things i have done, forgive me for my racist comments . . . for being innapropriate, for being an asshole and for ruining a good thread. i am sorry for my actions in general, the racist thread, the PIF thread and any derogatory or misguided noob dumbass comments i have made. please, please PLEEEEEEEASE forgive me guys. . i throw myself at your mercy and hope you can forgive me. please know that i AM trying to change my racist thoughts. i am trying to be more accepting of other people and cultures and races. again, i apologize to any black members, gay members and feminists. i was wrong, and your skin should not be a factor in what i think of you as a person. nor should whether you are gay or not . . . God i cant believe some of the things i said now that i think about it. . . i am so sorry guys. . . . and feminists . . . i am sorry if i offended any feminist members(do we have any?) your opinions are valid ones because they are YOURS. all of you guys . . . all your opinions mean something and i trashed them all . . . i had/have no right. please, find it in your hearts as a board, to forgive me if you will. i am sorry.
hex, thanks for giving me even another chance to correct myself. guys, please dont think he is accepting of any views i may have had or have now . . . he is just a fair and balanced moderator/admin. and he does his job very well. thanks hex. and thanks you guys for opening my eyes to myself. i am sooo sorry
hex, please pass this on to guys in a separate thread? so the whole site can see it. i would REALLY appreciate it.
