The great Jaewon lawyer joke thread

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05-01-2005, 06:43 PM
SFG75

The great Jaewing lawyer joke thread

Jason has probably had more than one jerk upon hearing that he's in law school, crack a lame joke that he's heard five thousand times. When someone asks Jason: "Why don't sharks eat lawyers?" I bet Jason chimes in grumpily...."because of professional courtesy." :smiley36: So here's the deal-find lawyer jokes that aren't that common, or jokes that wouldn't make Jason roll his head begging to be killed :smiley2:

I'll go first......

Quote:

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
05-01-2005, 07:00 PM
CoventryCat86

Who's jaewon?

We need a teacher's joke thread more than we need a lawyer's joke thread.
05-01-2005, 07:29 PM
SFG75

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoventryCat86

Who's jaewon?

Thought it sounded too oriental to be him........jaewing that's alright, he can get together with labmoney. :smiley2: :smiley36:
05-01-2005, 07:47 PM
CoventryCat86

Sorry, my "k" key stic s sometimes, SEE? :smiley36:
05-01-2005, 07:53 PM
cockyhoskins

Just remember that there is more than one lawyer on this board. :smiley36:
05-01-2005, 07:58 PM
SFG75

Quote:

Originally Posted by cockyhoskins

Just remember that there is more than one lawyer on this board. :smiley36:

Alright, alright!...sheeeesh!. Touche!. :smiley9:

How about two good South Carolina jokes? :smiley2:

Quote:

A short story...
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

************************************************** ************************
How do you know when you're staying in a South Carolina hotel?

"When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink."

and the person at the front desk says "go ahead".

:smiley36:
05-01-2005, 09:52 PM
cockyhoskins

Nice! Of course, you are clearly speaking of the Clemson area of SC.
05-02-2005, 01:38 AM
CoventryCat86

Here's a Social Studies teacher joke:

Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage...
A Social Studies teacher's wife had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet he had stayed by her bedside every single day.
One day, when she came to, she motioned for him to come nearer.
As he sat by him, she whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what?
"What dear?"
he gently asked, smiling as his heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."
05-02-2005, 07:17 AM
SFG75

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoventryCat86

Here's a Social Studies teacher joke:

Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage...
A Social Studies teacher's wife had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet he had stayed by her bedside every single day.
One day, when she came to, she motioned for him to come nearer.
As he sat by him, she whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what?
"What dear?"
he gently asked, smiling as his heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."

LOL-not bad Bill, not bad at all! :smiley36: I'll send that around to some of the people I work with. :smiley2:
05-02-2005, 09:01 AM
cigarsarge

A couple of robbers held up a lawyers club. The legal eagles put up a fight and eventually ran them off.

When they got away one robber said to the other, "Not to bad of a haul..We got $25 dollars between us."

The other robber turned to the other and said, "You idiot...When we went in we had $100 between us." :smiley36:
05-02-2005, 08:25 PM
SFG75

Quote:

Originally Posted by cigarsarge

A couple of robbers held up a lawyers club. The legal eagles put up a fight and eventually ran them off.

When they got away one robber said to the other, "Not to bad of a haul..We got $25 dollars between us."

The other robber turned to the other and said, "You idiot...When we went in we had $100 between us." :smiley36:

LOL-Good one Ken!. :smiley32:

************************************************** *************

Rules for hunting lawyers
Washington state attorney season and bag limits

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1300.01 GENERAL

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS

1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5
4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT
6. Cut-throat 2
7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty