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Ok, so I'm basically married to my girlfriend of 4 years, but I don't really have any money to blow on a ring to give her. What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I just wait until I graduate and get a job and save up? This is a good 6-7 months down the road, during which time she will be breathing down my neck, and causing unnecessary pressure while I try to finish school. Or should I get a credit card and go into debt? Or should I tell her that I will be a bachelor until I die?
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Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
I went through this. Got engaged when I was in college to my girlfriend of 4 years. I bought a $4000 ring. Got into debt and stretched myself way to thin. It ended up putting a lot of strain on our relationship, I had to work my ass off to get out of debt, the fiancé didn’t understand, blah blah. We ended up breaking it off 3 months before the wedding. The engagement wasn’t really the reason we broke it off, but it added unnecessary pressure…
If I had to do it again, I would hold off. A lot of things can change once you graduate.. and in your case it’s only a few months away.
I agree with Hex completely. Debt is never a good thing. Couples argue most about money, sex, and stepkids. If you cave under pressure to buy the ring, chances are you'll resent it later.
I'm probably going to spend around $1,000-1500. Right now I make about 150 bucks a week. In August hopefully I will be making somewhere around $35-40k a year. How bad of a strain do y'all think this would be under these circumstances?
IMHO, "basically married" is always better than "married."Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
Thank God my girlfriend has no incliination to get married. We're happy. We don't need a ceremony to validate that claim.
Don't put yourself into debt. If she applies pressure to get a ring, think about whether she's interested in you or in the ring. For many women, "Mr. Right" is secondary to "getting married".
You're supposed to ask her to marry you, you're not supposed to feel like you're supposed to propose.
At least I will get a kick ass bachelor party
My personal experience with women tells me to never go into debt if you can avoid it.
Yeah, instead of buying the ring, use it for one last night of freedom ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
OK, so I realize having a credit card bill is shitty, but would it be less shitty to get this out of the way, so I can concentrate soley on school for the next 6 months? Or should I just light this Gurkha Legend Torpedo I have up, and smoke all my cares away?
Light up the Gurkha :smiley20:Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
Concentrate on school? The moment you propose is the moment the madness begins. One day everything is normal, the next you come home to a living room covered knee deep in bridal magazines.... "Honey, what do you think about these flowers? Should we invite your Cousin Bob? What color should we paint the baby's room?"Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
Smoke the Gurkha!
Edit:
It might be fun to really try and mess things up. When she starts asking about bridesmaid dresses, insist that they wear kangaroo costumes. When she yells at you, tell her it's a family tradition of yours and you don't know if you can marry someone who doesn't respect your traditions. Hehehe... Almost worth getting married for... Nah!
Jesus Christ, you are all right. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't go into debt man. That is a bad move starting out in a marriage. A friend of mine blew 13,000 dollars on a ring! That's right 13,000 bones! Needless to say I think he is an idiot. 13k might not be that big of a deal if you make mad money, but when you make 12 dollars an hour it's not such a great idea.
I have a couple of credit cards and have gone into debt. I'm taking this semester off from school just to work and pay them off...NOT COOL. I wouldn't recommend getting a credit card right now, and have to worry about paying off 3,000 dollars. I think that if she really cares about you and the relationship then she won't have a problem with you waiting it out a little longer.
Anyways, I hope everything works out alright for you.
-Mike
Allow me to be the asshole SOB for a minute.Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
Dude, WTF? You'd marry a girl who would ride your ass for a ring regardless of the fact it would put you in serious financial difficulties at the end of your college career? I think you are thinking with the wrong head. Wake up.
I think SuperChuck should be quoted again here...
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Originally Posted by SuperChuck
Well, she's also kind of pissed because while I was on my internship last semester, and making really good money, I told her I was saving up but instead blew all my money on cigars and video games.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shagaroo
yeah you only hope that giving her a ring will come her down. concentrate on school and getting a job bcs they are way more important take it from someone who is about to finish himself. you love her and thats great but what happens if she doesnt want to follow you to your next job?
Here goes the mature female prospective. You both are pretty young and she most likely feels that she needs some type of socially excepted promise from you for all the time she put into you. It's harsh but girls get a lot of pressure too for all the wrong reasons. It is apart trickle down theory. After a few year of dating my now husband he bought me a pre-engagement ring that cost about $145.00. We went out and pick it out together and had a beautiful day. Honestly I did not think about getting married after that for another 10 years and it is the ring I cherish the most 22 years later. You can give her that promise in something that is less expensive but with more meaning. Maybe your mom or grandma might have a piece of jewelry that she can be given in the same fashion. Don't take out the credit card for the big diamond because the rest of the wedding will end up going on that card and you be in divorced before it is plaided down enough to charge your lawyer too it.
And remind her you could have blown it on crack and $2 hookers! She should be thankful all you gave her was mild aggrivation, not something a shot couldn't clear up.Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
Damn women, never see the silver lining in any damn thing!
I'd like to take this opportunity to gloat (again):Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
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Originally Posted by MrsSuperChuck
I'm not sure that's allowed here cinda. Be careful, don't want you getting banned....Quote:
Originally Posted by cinda
:smiley17: :smiley36:
Maybe I should just take after my brother, ditch this girl and find one from the Czech Republic
lol...mail order bride?:smiley2:Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
i hear they're more obedient
edit for spelling
I don't know if she was or not. All I know is she came from out of left field, and they got married like 3 months later. She's been around for about a year and half now, which I will admit impresses me.Quote:
Originally Posted by drew_goring
Hey - I went through something very similar with my college girl friend. I didn't buy the ring, and I'm glad I didn't. Once we were out on our own, away from college, I realized that during college we were great for each other, after that, not so much. Haven't seen here in 10 years. Haven't missed her. I met my wife 9 years ago.
Just a thought, don't rush into it. You have a lot going on and there is no reason to add to it.
If you feel you need to give her something, I recommend following Cinda's advice.
Here's the deal man, I just got married in october and my wife never road my ass about getting married once, she knew when we could afford it it would happen. I understand the girl being mad at you because you told her you were going to buy her a nice ring and instead bought cigars and video games but when it comes down to it it is your money so the hell with it. If buying her a ring now would put a serious financial strain on you I say hold off, and you damn sure aren't going to be able to relax once you do propose, forget about getting time for school or time finding a better job. Now you enter into marriage in debt and in financial trouble and are really fucked.Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
My suggestion tell your girl you will buy her a ring but whatever you spend on her ring she has to match and buy you cigars and shit. Maybe that will get her to stop pestering you for awhile.
I was going to mention the same thing... Leaving college is a major life change. Very often, life changes are very jarring to relationships.Quote:
Originally Posted by nhcigarfan
How much of her income does she spend on you? These things tend to be terribly one-sided.Quote:
Originally Posted by prophetic_joe
I probably sound like a total killjoy, but I was in one of those relationships, too. We dated for 2 years in college, then lived together for about 3 after college. Then a whole bunch of things started to change in our lives and we went our separate ways.
I eventually became a confirmed bachelor and then ANOTHER woman waltzes into my life and makes me feel wonderful. Goddamn women. :)
WW...... Dude trust me, if she is pressuring you into giving her a ring and getting married, ex: "I want a ring, I want to get married".... she is probably more interesterd in the idea of marriage and the monetary value of "a ring". She is probably in her early 20's and all of her friends are starting to get married and she might start feeling left out. IMO if she truly loves you and not loves the idea of marriage, she will understand.
If the two of you are "truly in love"...... go to the local City Hall and get married..... My first marriage cost a ton of money (Father-in-law paid), I mean a ton of money.... that wedding lasted 4 yrs. My second marriage was to my current wife . We both swore we weren't gonna get married ever again. I gave her a small ring after about 1 yr together, got married 1 yr later, spent LESS THAN $5,000 for the wedding (I have a big family)..... we will be married forever, she is great !!
Yeah I agree with BC. I think my wife and I spent about the same amount on our wedding. Small little ceremony with only our parents, her grandparents, and my brother and sister in law. If she really wants to be married, take a trip to Vegas and get married at "The Little White Wedding Chappel", and spend the rest of your cash at the slots or tables :smiley2: . Would make for a lot of conversation in the future.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bkcloud114
We were in Vegas last year and I recomended that, but she pussed out.Quote:
Originally Posted by ukyfan
Another thing I would like to mention is that there's not a question of if I'm going to mary this woman, that's already been decided. The problem here I guess is just how to go about doing it.
And why would that be? No Ca-Ching...Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteWidow
...besides, Vegas is where the bachelor party is going down. We've got it all figured out. My friends are literally going to "kidnap" me from right in front of her, making it look like I have no choice. Then we're headed to the airport, and one of my buddies might give her a call and inform her of the situation, that it was all their doing, etc, etc. And then, well you know the rest
I'd go with Cinda's advice, a nice inexpensive engagement ring for now. Then get married later, after you are on your feet financially, and then buy her a very nice wedding ring.
Hehehe...Quote:
Originally Posted by cigar no baka
My parents got engaged while my father was in the service and my mother was in college. So they were redefining poor.
One day my mother was sweeping some crumbs off the table and realized that one of them was sparkly. Turns out the stone had fallen out of her engagement ring and it was so small, she didn't even see it!
The stone didn't matter, the man did.