2013 Christmas writing contest

**ashauler** · 12-20-2013, 09:59 AM

Lighters ping

below a smoke ring
At the herf
kingbeefy is dirty dancing
A secret delight
and bad dreams tonight
Christmas in cigarsmokers land

Over there, in the corner
covered in, body armour
Eville was wrong
Fordraptorfiend banged a gong
Christmas in cigarsmokers land!

**kingbeefy** · 12-20-2013, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by ashauler

Lighters ping

below a smoke ring
At the herf
kingbeefy is dirty dancing
A secret delight
and bad dreams tonight
Christmas in cigarsmokers land

I am honored to make a cameo in your poetry.

I've been thinking about this, I'll go to the bathroom and get something down on paper later.

**ashauler** · 12-20-2013, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by kingbeefy

I am honored to make a cameo in your poetry.

I've been thinking about this, I'll go to the bathroom and get something down on paper later.

I'm sure it'll be the most insightful thing you've written in decades.

**kingbeefy** · 12-22-2013, 11:18 AM

Originally Posted by ashauler

I'm sure it'll be the most insightful thing you've written in decades.

Well, you were correct. Please see the next post for some of my best work ever.

**kingbeefy** · 12-22-2013, 11:20 AM

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the internet
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mangy rat
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that St. Beefy soon would be there

The newbies were nestled all snug in their bed
While visions of Black n Milds danced in their heads
Greek Titan in her ‘kerchief, badwhale in his cap
Had just settled down to spoon for a long sinner’s nap

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
BW sprang from GT’s warm clutch to see what was the matter
Away to the window he flew like a flash
Tore open the shutter and threw up the sash

The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to the objects below
When what to badwhale’s eyes should appear
But a Milli Vanilli themed sleigh, and eight tiny Blame it on the Reindeer

With a totally badass driver, so lean, so sexy
He knew in a moment it must be St. Beefy
In one hand a Pete Johnson taint rolled custom
His other hand holding his own petite Pete Johnson

Yelling swear words, bumping into trees
Pissing off the sleigh into the streets
Landing on the roof with a violent clunk
It was clear on this night St. Beef was drunk

After breaking wind in the chimney and burning his ass
He’s now safe inside and humping the cat
Throwing down milk and cookies, throwing up in the plants
He passes out on the gifts and shits his pants

For GT and BW it’s a Christmas wish come true
Something all cigar smokers dream of the whole year through
They hug each other and dance with glee
For kingbeefy is passed out drunk beneath their tree.

(drop the mic, bitches!)

Merry Christmas to all cigar smokers, and for two specific cigar smokers it will be a very good night!