Santa has been to busy to do any real recon on you this year -- what with Mrs. Claus' vaginal rejuvenation surgery and breast augmentation -- both of which were tremnedous successes...

Anyways, rest assured Santa has some goodies in his bag for you -- but not the ass-less chaps you requested for when you ride your scooter -- Santa is of the firm opinion that you need to butch it up this year and smoke a few Cubans -- wait, that doesn't sound right either...