Welcome from Eastern Washington State! I would definitely recommend using the Search function, and getting yourself a Newbie Sampler. I am smoking one from my sampler as I write this, and you just can't go wrong.

Welcome to the forums- lurk and enjoy. Lots of knowledge, lots of knowledgeable people, and some wonderful humor to be found along the journey.

Enjoy your stay man. And no, you aren't the worst kind of noob- those are the ones who necro dead threads and throw their 2 cents in on everything. Those are the ones who get the funny names thrown at them. (And you will learn what the funny names are really quickly!) The worst kind gets himself banned in 2 posts! So you should be quite alright!