Now let's see, checking my list I have a couple notes from the elves... what does "dushelroperred" mean exactly? Have you been eating too much cheese this year? Putting on the pounds, eh? Perhaps a new workout wheel for you is in order? You add 100 cigars to your humi every other day, so I'm gonna have the elves unplug your internet for December to make room for the acids and blunts I'm gonna send ya!

So tell me, what sorts of tasty sticks would tickle your furry little fancy this year? And just in case you turn things around in the next couple weeks and actually make my good list, is there a certain flavor of mouse beverage you prefer? I know I'll definitely be stuffing your stocking with a digital pocket spell-check. The present-request letters you've been sending me all year have been giving me headaches. It's spelled "Hot tub toys", not "hawtubb toez", and for that poster you wanted, his name is spelled Justin Bieber.

Ho Ho Ho!
Santa