Dear Santa,

I'm not picky -- I enjoy most things typically found in or under couches. It may sound tacky, but I was going to send badwhale and ashauler gifts this year since we share a particular affinity, but I just realized that my tranny porn collection has been totally depleted, so if you'd like to help in replenishing that...

Take care, Santa -- and slap Ms. Claus on the ass for me.

Ed.