Speedy Gonzales

**Secret Santa** · 11-15-2014, 05:33 PM

Yes yes I'm sure you would be happy with any of those. I was thinking of something on the strong side, you being a rusty old mud bug and all. The last time I flew over Baton Rough I almost got shot down by a few of you crazy Cajuns. Good thing everybody down there in the swamp is always shnickered up with all the drivethrough Daiquiri stands. I might take your list under concideration and send you some rain deer jerkey balls. As for the sticks I have something special in mind that I like to call the Lewinsky Dip hehehe..I'm sure you will love it.

**SPEEDRACER** · 11-15-2014, 11:26 PM

Dear Santa,

I love deer jerky, but have never had any made from reindeer... And what exactly are reindeer jerky balls? Are they balls of jerky made with reindeer meat, or jerky made from reindeer balls? Either way, I am looking forward to trying them!! Also, the Lewinsky Dipped sticks sound exquisite!

Do you think you could do that with the toothpick skewered half smoked white owls??? Oh, and by the way, I much prefer the grape or peach white owls over the chocolate, or any of the other varieties, just so you know...

**Secret Santa** · 11-16-2014, 08:14 AM

Santas f-ing Ipad is grammatically challenged and some times it slings out ambiguous phrases and wording. That dirty little shit Jobs gave it to me but before he did he made it stupid. All cause he caught me smashing his wife one x-mas night. I thought he got over it but... Like said reindeer balls

http://youtu.be/fftnExG-WFg

**SPEEDRACER** · 11-16-2014, 05:57 PM

Haha! That's good shit right there, Santa! Is that Mrs. Claus in her younger days? And was that you holding the reindeers' feet? Did you see the look on those guys' faces when she did that?! I guess that's why you've been so happily married all these years... I know if I ever watched my ole lady do that shit, I'd walk a straight line forever after that for sure! What a woman!

**Secret Santa** · 11-16-2014, 09:08 PM

Yep I got big daddy Santa status. M.C. Is a pro T-bagger. Who do you think is going to take care of the Lewinsky dip for me. And don't get me started on the things she does to my candy cane.

**SPEEDRACER** · 11-16-2014, 09:29 PM

Santa, all I can say, after watching that video, is I'd be HONORED to smoke Mrs. Claus' Lewinsky-dipped white owls! And when you die, if she's still alive, I hope you don't come back to haunt me, but I'm taking over the job of Santa Claus! You are a lucky old bastard to have a woman like her, that's for sure!