* If you live everyday as though it's your last, eventually it'll be appropriate
* Everybody is somebody else's wierdo.
* Puritanism : The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* If you let a smile be your umbrella, you'll get very wet.
* Smile, and the world wonders what you're up to.
* You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
* He who laughs last thinks slowest
* God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
* My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.
* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
* The meek shall inherit the Earth -- after we're done with it.
* The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
* I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong
answers.
* There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
* Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
* Money can't buy happiness...but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
* On the other hand, you have different fingers.
* Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
* Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
* It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper, that's the time to do it.
* There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
* Life is like a box of chocolates... full of nuts
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
* Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
* Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
* Two wrongs don't make a right...But three lefts do.
* The world is like a box of cereal. It's chock full of nuts, fruits, and flakes.
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