Hospital Humor

**cigarsarge** · 12-12-2005, 07:12 AM

I've been sitting with my dad in the hospital. He had double knee replacement surgery Friday. He is OK but he is morphined to the max.

Well, last night the nurse came in to attend to dad. She was doing what nurses do. I noticed dad's eyes were following her.

She left the room. Dad looked at me and said, "Did you get a look at those hooters"?

I have never heard my dad talk like that. Guess there is more of him in me than I realize. No I ain't gonna tell mom what he said.

**Kayakinboy** · 12-12-2005, 12:10 PM

LMAO! That's awesome!

**Diesel Grinch** · 12-12-2005, 12:50 PM

I have some stories like that too. But I'm my Dad. I see him in me everyday and wouldn't have it any other way.

**godfather** · 12-13-2005, 01:44 AM

...nice story sarge.

**mithril** · 12-14-2005, 08:34 AM

at least he's in good spirits! hope he recovers soon. from the knee surgury that is.

**Eshaw99** · 12-15-2005, 09:38 PM

Having worked in a hospital for some time now, I can tell you first hand...pain medicine makes people VERY honest.

**Hap** · 12-26-2005, 06:26 PM

Hope your Dad is well along in his recovery, Cigarsarge. Morphine is was once known as "The nectar of the gods," and for a good reason!
I once assisted in a vasectomy clinic in Cleveland in the mid-70s. The place had this very extensive counselling process to make sure that the patients,, nearly all married, knew that the procedure was essentially irreversible, and that their motivation was "correct," whatever the hell that means. I can't tell you how many guys would get a little intravenous valium, get a shi*-eatin' grin, and confess "Hey, the real reason I'm getting this is so I don't get my girlfriend pregnant."

reaganyouth84 · 12-28-2005, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by cigarsarge

I've been sitting with my dad in the hospital. He had double knee replacement surgery Friday. He is OK but he is morphined to the max.

Well, last night the nurse came in to attend to dad. She was doing what nurses do. I noticed dad's eyes were following her.

She left the room. Dad looked at me and said, "Did you get a look at those hooters"?

I have never heard my dad talk like that. Guess there is more of him in me than I realize. No I ain't gonna tell mom what he said.

A hot nurse with big hooters you say? Bow chicka wow wow, bow chicka wow wow...in walks Ron Jeremy.

It's amazing what people will say when drunk/drugged up and they can't control themselves.

I know it's a bit late, but I just saw the thread...hope your dad makes a quick recovery.

-Mike

**SuperChuck** · 12-28-2005, 03:24 PM

Hehehe... Got any pics of that nurse?

My gf had her knee scoped a couple years go and had a couple weeks of bedrest. She passed the time by watching lots of movies on DVD.

She had never seen the Star Wars Trilogy and I'm a HUGE Star Wars buff, so she decided she should watch them. Well, that was pretty early in the recovery, so she was taking an awful lot of percosets.

As you can imagine, her recollection of events is a LITTLE different than the actual movies.

Sarge, hope your dad recovered nicely. I work with a guy that had both knees and both hips replaced. It's a scary procedure, but it really helps!

**Lopaka** · 12-28-2005, 03:27 PM

Man...sorry I didn't see this one earlier. Sarge, hope your dad has a speedy recovery!

**cigarsarge** · 12-28-2005, 04:36 PM

Goes home tomorrow

...Weeks of therapy to go though.

**Hap** · 12-29-2005, 08:25 AM

Cigarsarge, on the positive side, a lot of patients who have had a tremendous amount of pain preoperatively say that the postop pain is nothing -- or at least tolerable. I have not worked with a lot of joint replacement patients but I have heard that comment over and over. That being said I hope you and his medical team can convince him to take pain meds BEFORE it becomes intolerable -- and rehab will be painful. Older patients (>60) are often reluctant to take pain meds -- afraid of addiction. But that risk is virtually nonexistant in patients in pain. Tell him the mantra: "Pain is easier to prevent than to treat."
Best wishes for an uneventful recovery.

P.S. Is this font too large and annoying? I have some difficulty with the smaller sizes but don't want to appear to be a show-off or something.

**cigar no baka** · 12-30-2005, 05:42 AM

OK I have my own grim hospital humor to share.

Years ago my wife had stomach surgery to remove a tumor. After the surgery, she had to walk around the nurses station to get her digestive tract moving again. I helped her do this, walking with her and trying to keep her alert.

Now for those of you who have never seen someone who had invasive digestive tract surgery, there are several complications. One is that your gut feels like it's about to split open so every time you have to flex those muscles, it hurts like hell. So she always walked with a pillow on her abdomen pushing in the entire time.

So there we are, she's got one hand on her IV set, one hand on her pillow. I don't remember how the subject came up but I made some innocent comment on how I mistakenly thought for years that the Japanese national anthem (she is Japanese) was titled "Hey You", a mistranslation on my part that I figured out only several years after living there.

We were just passing the nurses station when I said this. My wife began to giggle, and cry at the same time, as the laughing hurt like hell. Nurses start to stare at me, then begin to glare at me. My wife never forgot this, she loves to tell the story, so I figured why shouldn't I tell it for a change?

**cigarsarge** · 12-30-2005, 10:29 AM

You should be ashamed of yourself.

**cigar no baka** · 12-30-2005, 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by cigarsarge

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I was, oh god, the first thing I thought was if I could take it back I would. But she forgave me. Eventually. Now she laughs about it, but didn't think it was so funny at the time. I said it innocently, just trying to have conversation, but as you grow older, you grow wiser (usually, that is) and I have more common sense now than I did then.

**cigarsarge** · 12-30-2005, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by cigar no baka

I was, oh god, the first thing I thought was if I could take it back I would. But she forgave me. Eventually. Now she laughs about it, but didn't think it was so funny at the time. I said it innocently, just trying to have conversation, but as you grow older, you grow wiser (usually, that is) and I have more common sense now than I did then.

I'm 47...My wife thinks i have the maturity of a teenager.