Humor Contest

[MCsommerreid]

A woman is cooking muffins, and she puts the muffins in the oven.

While in the oven one muffin looks at the other and says "Boy, sure is hot in here."

The other muffin does a double take and says "Holy crap!! A talking muffin!"

[Newfie]

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing? " she asked.

"They're mating" her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked

"That's a Daddy Longlegs" her father answered

"So, is the other one a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked

"No, " her Father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs"

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped it flat, 'Well, it might be OK in Ontario and British Columbia, but we're not having any of that shit in Newfoundland!"

Remember, you can marry a fag in Canada, but don't you dare get caught smoking one!

[MCsommerreid]

A girl and her mother are in a doctors office and the girl goes up to her mother and says "Mommy mommy!! I need to take a piss!!!"

The mom is appaled and says "Please don't say words like that. Say something else. Say you need to whisper."

So the girl says "Mommy, I need to whisper". So she uses the bathroom and they go home.

The girl late at night wakes up and need to use the bathroom so she goes and wakes up her dad and says "Daddy, I need to whisper."

So her dad says "Ok honey, whisper in daddys ear."