Taoism

Shit happens.

Confucianism

Confucius said, shit happens.

Buddhism

If shit happens, it is not really shit.

Zen Buddhism

What is the sound of shit happening?

Hinduism

This shit happened before.

Islam

If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.

Protestantism

Let shit happen to someone else.

Catholicism

If shit happens, then you deserve it.

Judaism

Why does this shit always happen to us?

New Age

Affirm that shit does not happen to me.

Atheism

I don't believe this shit.

Rastafarianism

Let's roll this shit up and smoke it.