i heard the second one in middle school. i remember laughing i think. i liked the first. here's one:
This guy gets a call from the hospital that his wife was in a car accident, so he rushes down to the hospital and the doctor says,
"Well, your wife is alive, but I have some bad news... she's basically a vegetable. You're going to have to take care of her, feed her, change her diaper and pay her medical bills until she dies, which might not be for 20 years."
And the guy says,
"Oh god, how am I ever going to be able to deal with this!?"
And the doctor says,
"Relax, I'm just fuckin with you... she's dead."
and:
Welfare Cruelty
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd
really
rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your
clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks