Clockwork, while roasting you may be fun, I'll just give you my standard, canned response to posts like yours:

Since no one here knows you or anything about you, you're going to have to send your end of the deal FIRST, have one of our more experienced members here analyze the cigars and if he says they're real, he'll send you the money. I'm sure you understand why it has to be this way.
Makes sense, doesn't it?

BTW, how are things going over at StogieChat?