We did it!

[8-5-8]

Ok guys... I try not to come here and blab on about my personal life but I have accomplished a great feat today. First a little backstory...

I met my wife when I was 8 years old. She was 6. We didn't see each other for many years but when I was 16 and she was 14 we were reaquainted at a friends end-of-the-school-year party. We dated on and off for awhile and then about 3.5 years ago we moved in together. We were married 9/27/2003 (my parents' anniversary as well) and at the time I thought we had a perfect life. Fast-foward to about a year ago, and I had fallen into a funk, easy to do while I'm waiting for my wife to finish school. And somewhere along the line, she began to feel unhappy, but for no solid reason. I wasn't aware of her discontent until about 4 weeks ago. And the last 4 weeks of my life have been absolute hell. I strive to please my wife. Everything I do is for her happiness. I do my best not to make her feel bad and I love taking care of her. I'm the marrying type. I always wanted a family as opposed to being a fireman or policeman or astronaut... when people asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up I always told them "Have a family of my own". What I did for a living was always second to why I did it. And not being able to please the one person that means the most to me kills me inside. So for a month now we have been tetering on the edge of insanity (and divorce). We spent Monday night apart, mainly becuase any discussion about us ends with me begging and pleading and her not being able to stand being in the same room with me when I get desparate. She came home last night and we talked for a long while, and today while I was home for lunch we talked some more. It seems that after watching her mother go through 2 nasty divorces and me watching my parents have the perfect marrainge, that we have 2 very different opinions on marraige. So we have decided to get a divorce. We will still live together and love together, but we will no longer be husband and wife. And if I have to sacrifice our marraige to save our relationship, then that's what I will do.

Sorry to be so long winded, but I had to tell someone. And I feel better and am happier than I have been in a month, and it's all because my partner is happier than she's been in a year. It hurts to say we are getting divorced, but I feels so good to know we will still be together.

[SFG75]

Glad that you were able to reconcile the issue. A lot of couples struggle immensely and two different personalities harmonizing together leads to some interesting fights from time to time. Again, congratulations on finding a good solution.

[CoventryCat86]

Glad that you were able to reconcile the issue. A lot of couples struggle immensely and two different personalities harmonizing together leads to some interesting fights from time to time. Again, congratulations on finding a good solution.

Oh please will someone MAKE HIM STOP.

This is getting ridiculous....

[superman78]

your supposed to care about their feelings,thats where ive been going wrong,congrats better man than i

[CoventryCat86]

your supposed to care about their feelings,thats where ive been going wrong,congrats better man than i

you're

Sorry 8-5-8, you're not going to want to hear what I have to tell you so I'll just keep my comment to myself. Just don't make a fool out of yourself no matter how you play this......

[labmonkey]

congrats 8-5-8....it's a weird world dude...when you have to get a divorce to save your relationship. I am not knocking it at all...hats off to you guys for hanging in there and doing whatever you need to do to make it work. Good luck to you.

[8-5-8]

thanks guys...

I know there are many opinions on the subject, so feel free to state them. I will harbor no bad feelings nor will it change my opinion of you. I just felt a feeling of overwhelming joy today, and had to share it.

And it is kinda screwy when you have to get divorced to stay together, but after she had time to think about what was bothering her, it seemed that it wasn't living with me or being with me, it was simply being married. So while she will no longer be my wife, she will be my life partner.

Strange world we live in...

[cigar no baka]

Best if luck to you in your endeavor. Marriage is a constantly evolving relationship that requires constant care and attention, but even with that it can blow up in your face.

I know that with my wife, we've gone through hellish times and wonderful times and everything inbetween. But all in all, she is my partner, and we've learned we can live with each others bullshit without throttling one another in our sleep, so its a good marriage. And we do enjoy each others company most of the time. But vacations can be trying - a little absence is a good thing!

[Lazy1]

8-5-8,
Although I do not understand what's going on, I can't help but feel bad about another BOTL's Divorce. I can understand that you are happy today, but I think you guys need to dig deeper before you take this step. The easiest answer is not always the right one. Don't listen to me though only a coward gives advice. I hope this all works out for you and your wife.

[grand cru no 2]

I usually try to stay away from giving "relationship advice" but I felt the need to weigh in here. Seems we are around the same age or so and you are in a similar situation as I was a couple years ago. By that I mean young, in school and in a shaky marriage.

My ex-wife and I divorced for a number of reasons, but the reason we divorced at the time we did rather than later was to "save our relationship." The love was still there, but we were unhappy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was the same. We had 2 small children and felt we had better just call it quits so we don't end up hating each other and making the children suffer because Mommy & Daddy can't stand each other. We wanted to maintain that closeness we had as friends before we were married.

The thought process seams logical enough and perhaps the intentions were good but it was a BAD decision. We gave up because it was the immediate solution to our problem. We talk alot now and it is clear that the love is still very much there but our relationship will never be the same. It changed instantly the moment we signed the divorce papers. It's like inside neither one of you can forgive the other (or yourselves) for giving up. We gave it a short go again after the divorce and it was just completely different (in a very bad way).

Now, I'm not saying that you guys belong together. You may very well be 2 very different people than you were when you married. That's the problem with marrying young, when you both "grow up" it is very possible to grow apart.

What I'm saying is, this is the biggest decision you have ever had to make, and maybe the biggest one you ever will. Be sure and give it all the attention you can before you make it. Maybe even try marriage counseling or something.

Anyway, sorry for the longgg post and best of luck to you brother.