We did it!

[CoventryCat86]

Glad that you were able to reconcile the issue. A lot of couples struggle immensely and two different personalities harmonizing together leads to some interesting fights from time to time. Again, congratulations on finding a good solution.

Oh please will someone MAKE HIM STOP.

This is getting ridiculous....

[superman78]

your supposed to care about their feelings,thats where ive been going wrong,congrats better man than i

[CoventryCat86]

your supposed to care about their feelings,thats where ive been going wrong,congrats better man than i

you're

Sorry 8-5-8, you're not going to want to hear what I have to tell you so I'll just keep my comment to myself. Just don't make a fool out of yourself no matter how you play this......

[labmonkey]

congrats 8-5-8....it's a weird world dude...when you have to get a divorce to save your relationship. I am not knocking it at all...hats off to you guys for hanging in there and doing whatever you need to do to make it work. Good luck to you.

[8-5-8]

thanks guys...

I know there are many opinions on the subject, so feel free to state them. I will harbor no bad feelings nor will it change my opinion of you. I just felt a feeling of overwhelming joy today, and had to share it.

And it is kinda screwy when you have to get divorced to stay together, but after she had time to think about what was bothering her, it seemed that it wasn't living with me or being with me, it was simply being married. So while she will no longer be my wife, she will be my life partner.

Strange world we live in...

[ggiese]

8-5-8

EVERYONE's relationship with another human being is a struggle - especially when it comes to marriage. The mere fact that another person is in your personal space is cause for conflict. It is in our very being - the thinking, feeling creatures we are. But, we adapt to that invasion and somehow make it work.

I have been married now for 22 years (been with the same woman for 27 years) and I got to tell you - there isn't a day that goes by that I don't appreciate her being around, and at the same time wonder if I should stay married to her. And I believe she does too. She and I believe we are two different people who happen to be walking down this path together. The reality is that each day we both want to take a seperate branches off of this path, yet we still end up at some point walking down that same path day after day.

I believe it is when you get to a junction in that path that you have to make some decisions - WE (both of us) can walk to the left or to the right. But it has to be a joint decision to stay on the same path. Don't get me wrong, there are times during your relationship where you are on different paths. That's inevitable. But, if we each choose to walk down a separate paths, we tend to lose touch with one another. As those separate choices continue on, there comes a time where we can't be on the same path again.

My first marriage ended in a divorce after only about 2 years. We could just not get along, even though we had committed ourselves to a lifetime together. I believe we married for all the wrong reasons and it was just destined for us to be on different paths. But my second marriage has been quite different.

If I were to go back and analyze both relationships to see where I succeeded and where I failed, I can't for the life of me tell you what I didn't see in my first relationship that I saw in the second one - and vice versa. It really is a blind faith kind of thing.

Certainly, there were things about her that attracted you. And things about you that attracted her. So much so that you two decided you needed to be together "forever" (because that's what marriage is). So what is it about the current situation that is so different from the time that the two of you decided to make the committment to stay together? I dunno - maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe you're trying too hard, maybe she's not trying hard enough, maybe it's stress, maybe it's money, maybe it's psychological... Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things... In other words, it's as complicated as it was when you first met...

But now - you and the wife are at that split in the road... Where are you going to go? And - more importantly - will you make the right decision.... Only time will tell. To be honest - the advice we give you here is really meaningless. The only thing we as a community can do for you is to listen and encourage. The rest is up to you two...

Good luck!

[8-5-8]

The only thing that matters is what makes you guys the happiest. Smoke a good one in celebration brother. I'll be sure to whip out a Fuente natural for ya tonight.

I'm gonna cut the cap on an Opus X in about 20 minutes...

[SFG75]

thanks guys...

I know there are many opinions on the subject, so feel free to state them. I will harbor no bad feelings nor will it change my opinion of you. I just felt a feeling of overwhelming joy today, and had to share it.

And it is kinda screwy when you have to get divorced to stay together, but after she had time to think about what was bothering her, it seemed that it wasn't living with me or being with me, it was simply being married. So while she will no longer be my wife, she will be my life partner.

Strange world we live in...

The only thing that matters is what makes you guys the happiest. Smoke a good one in celebration brother. I'll be sure to whip out a Fuente natural for ya tonight.

[CoventryCat86]

The only thing that matters is what makes you guys the happiest. Smoke a good one in celebration brother. I'll be sure to whip out a doggie rocket for ya tonight.

Scotty, once again you make me want to

I don't see the cause for celebration, I see a whole lot more hurt in this guy's near future. She talked him into a divorce because she wants OUT. He may seem happy this afternoon but that'll last for what, maybe a couple of days? She wants OUT, period and that is sad for the both of them, I hate "quitters" like 8-5-8's wife is . A divorce is not a way to "save" a "relationship." It's going to be painful and it will take you about a year (on average) to get over it. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll beg for you to "take her back" but the chances of that are highly unlikely.

[ggiese]

Scotty, once again you make me want to

I don't see the cause for celebration, I see a whole lot more hurt in this guy's near future. She talked him into a divorce because she wants OUT. He may seem happy this afternoon but that'll last for what, maybe a couple of days? She wants OUT, period and that is sad for the both of them, I hate "quitters" like 8-5-8's wife is . A divorce is not a way to "save" a "relationship." It's going to be painful and it will take you about a year (on average) to get over it. Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll beg for you to "take her back" but the chances of that are highly unlikely.

Funny - but I originally started my post with "It seems really odd to me that you're wife would want a divorce in order to save your relationship..." I don't understand it - I hope it does save your relationship - I just don't see how it will...

I gotta say - anyone who is encouraging 8-5-8 to smoke a cigar to celebrate has missed the pain that is clearly in his post. Enjoy the day, bro - I'm glad it's going your way right now - I'm glad you're happy - but the toughest part of this will be tomorrow - and the day after - and the day after....

If you're going to smoke a cigar - find the biggest damn cigar you can get your hands on - pour yourself a nice HUGE glass of Iced Tea - go out in the back yard and enjoy that smoke while you reduce the stress of what's going on right now. And I hope you find some peace during that time - you deserve it, bro...

[Shagaroo]

I know there are many opinions on the subject, so feel free to state them. I will harbor no bad feelings nor will it change my opinion of you.

I hope so.

Bubba, you are getting suckered, big time. She wants out and wants an easy way to get you to agree without a fight and she found it. She loves you and wants to be with you, but just can't be married to you? I hope you got some hip waders and a big shovel. Don't be shocked when she tells you since you are not longer married she can date if she wants to and you just sit down and take it.

[Bkcloud114]

Dude.....

I have been thru a divorce and have found the best woman ever the second time around. I am sorry to say she is playing you like a fiddle. You are getting a divorce but will still stay together.... what is the difference ? No more commitment between the two of you? Will she and you be able to see other people?

My first wife was my High School sweetheart, what a big f*ckin' mistake that was.....

Best advice I could give is to get the divorce, play it off like everything is alright between the two of you. After the divorce is final.....RUN LIKE HELL !!!!!!

Assuming that you have no children, cause you never mentioned them. This would be the best time to get away from her. I know she may love you and you love her but it does not sound like the two of you are "IN LOVE" and that is a big difference.

Like I tell everyone...... My first marriage was practice for the second one.

What ever you decide........ Good Luck !!!!!!!!!

[8-5-8]

Well allow me to retort...

Again thanks for your opinions guys, much appreciated.
And I don't know what's gonna happen, all I know is that we are happy at the moment, and I can't spite the journey for the destination. We are not religious people, so our marraige is more of a legal entity than anything. We have no children, so if we go through with the divorce and it doesn't work out, fine... I've made my plans otherwise (be prepared, it's the Boy Scout way). But I personally, knowing my wife as the person she is, I think that this is a step in a positive direction. We are making plans to go on vacation together (something we haven't talked about in a long time), and talking about our future (again, something that hasn't come up at all lately). If she can talk about our future together, than that is a good sign to me.

And initially it was me that mentioned getting divorced last week, as I couldn't continue living the way we were... I wanted out becuase there was nothing I could do to make her happy. And as I said, if we have to sacrifice a marraige thats less than 2 years old to save our 15-year relationship, then so be it.