Odd. I was under the false presumption this was a humor thread.

"Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths." - Steven Wright

"I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck, don't go see Dr. Acula" - Mitch Hedberg

"We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him, not ONE FUCKING BULLET!" - Denis Leary