OK look Santa, last year that awesome backpack you gave me didn't work out so good... apparently those who are not secure in their manhood think it's funny to make childish murse comments. My ego can't handle those attacks so this time send me something extra manly, like a nice strong cigar perhaps. I dig me that robusto size and lean towards the darker side of the leaf.

Oh, and I'd like to ask you to do something extra special this year and give a gift to someone else for me. He could really use it and I am in the giving spirit - so instead of asking for more things for me I'd like to give up some of my gifts if you could just help this little tike out. This young lad desires greatly to be amongst the champions in the sport of ping pong. Unfortunately, this adorable boy is lacking one of the essentials of greatness... skill. If it's not too much to ask, could you wrap up just one or two skills for him and add that to his gifts of Ken dolls and extra-absorbent big-kid-pull-ups? I know he would appreciate it. Now I understand that he has been bad this year, but give him a chance Santa, I know he whale be better next year.

Thanks Santa!