I've gotcha all beat!

I will trade you my most prized possession! My great-grampa's gold war watch. This watch I got here was first purchased by my great-granddaddy. It was bought during the First World War in a little general store in Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge the day he set sail for Paris. It was my great- granddaddy's war watch, made by the first company to ever make wrist watches. You see, up until then, people just carried pocket watches. My great-granddaddy wore that watch every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty, he went home to my great- grandmother, took the watch off his wrist and put it in an ol' coffee can. And in that can it stayed 'til my grandfather Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World War Two. My great-granddaddy gave it to my granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. My granddad was a Marine and he was killed with all the other Marines at the battle of Wake Island. My granddad was facing death and he knew it. None of those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So three days before the Japanese took the island, my 22-year old grandfather asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Winocki, a man he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he had never seen in the flesh, his gold watch. Three days later, my grandfather was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was over, he paid a visit to my grandmother, delivering to my infant father, his Dad's gold watch. This watch. This watch was on my Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it's be confiscated. The way my Daddy looked at it, that watch was my birthright. And he'd be damned if and slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide somethin'. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of disentary, he gave Captain Koons the watch. He hid with the uncomfortable hunk of metal up his ass for two years. Then, after seven years, he was sent home to his family. Then he paid me a visit, and gave the watch to me, like he promised my father.


I offer this watch to you! As further incentive I also offer you Zed's custom Harley-Davidson chopper. Try and beat THAT offer you Phillie smoking fools!









Anyone wanna ask who Zed is?