Boy, I gotta stop having sex with my wife so I can pay attention to board, apparently I can get all the sex I need right here (it worked for Monica, right?).

Now, CC, you're clearly too much of a pussy to even begin a bidding war.

Grandpa, you're too old, we don't need your heart aggravated.

Cinda, you're too...female.

DG, same for you, too female.

Shag, your name disqualifies you, this isn't a shag thread.

Poppapuff, you can bid all you want, and you have the right, but, top this!

I will pay with one Stradivari that my family has kept since we first bought it in Italy 12 generations ago. I will also throw in rare Inigo Montoya Churchills. Finally, I will include the number 4 brief case from next weeks episode of "Deal or No Deal?"

That's it, you can all go home.

Good night.