Old woman calls a doctor and asks "Where is a womans heart?"

The doctor responds "About 1 inch below her left breast".

A day later the doctor sees the same old woman being rushed into the emergency room with a gunshot wound to her knee.

The doctor asks "What happened?!"

The old woman says "You said my heart was below my left breast!"

****

How can you tell if your computer has been used by a blond?

There's white out on the screen.

****

What's white and sits on the lawn?

Pattie O' Furniture

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How do you know if a blond has been playing video games?

The joystick is wet.

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How do you make a blonds eyes twinkle?

Shine a flashlight in her ear.

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Why wont sharks eat lawyers?

Proffessional courtesy.

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Why wont sharks eat clowns?

They taste funny.

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What do you have when you have 6 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand.

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A doctor is contacted by a lawyer who asks him "Were you medically certain the deceased was really dead?"

The doctor says "Yes."

The lawyer asks "Did you take his pulse?"

The doctor responds "No. I did not."

The lawyer asks "Did you check for breathing?"

The doctor says "No, I did not."

The lawyer finally says "Then how, sir, do you know the deceased is really dead?!"

The doctor responds "Well, I have the mans brain in a jar on my desk. But for all I know he could be out practicing law somewhere."

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How do you know if a lawyer is well hung?

You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck.

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What do you call 500 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

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A man is driving down the road, and as he is driving he sees a lawyer. IN keeping with tradition when he passes the lawyer he runs him down and kills him.

Further along the man sees a hitch hiker and notices that he is a priest. He figures a priest is OK so he gives him a ride.

A little more down the road he sees another lawyer walking and on reflex starts driving towards him. At the last minute he remembers that he has a priest in the car and swerves away.

He looks over to the priest and says "Oh no. I'm so sorry, I almost hit that lawyer!!"

The priest looks calmly at him and responds "Don't worry. I got him with the door."

****

Why are there so many lawyers in the US?

Because St. Patrick chased all the snakes out of Ireland.

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The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.