LP, you don't have to worry about Santa fitting down your chimney. Ever see a mouse fit through a 1/2" hole?? (How the fuck do they do that anyway??)

Anyhow, the jury is still out on you my friend. I have 12 drunk & stoned elves sequestered in a room trying to make up their minds on what we should fill your stocking with. We thought we were all set and then you pull that little stunt on the weekend?? ROTFLMMFFAO!!! You think Santa didn't see that??

Also, nice choice of gifts for the wife at Fredricks of Hollywood!! I'll bet she's gonna look sharp in that. Think she'll really put it on?

Hey, listen, times gettin' close now for me to send the package. I don't want to send it to you early because Santa knows that you ain't left a gift unopened since you were like 3 or something. This shouldn't be opened 'till Christmas morning. Capiche?? (Yeah, like that ain't falling on deaf ears!!!)

Whatever.

Take care, and keep a look out for a package addressed to your missus early next week. She'll make sure it isn't opened 'till the 25th!!!

Yours,

Santa