I know I'm a newbie here but I have a feeling there are a couple guys around here that might be able to help guide me through this or... maybe not.

One person here knows my wife and I and coincidentally the full story what is forthcoming is a rough summary.

I want to share this because so far it has been helping me deal with a very rough last couple of days, the full story is like a made for TV movie drama but we'll stick to the Reader's Digest condensed version for now. The board I mod on has 20ish people that my wife and I both know and consider friends and I'm just not ready to share this over there yet.


Since I ended up typing out a whole lot more than planned here are the Cliff Notes.
Wife was in love with a co-worker.
I give her a week full of chances to end it and come home.
She uses none of them.
Chooses him over me and tells me she doesn't love me, hasn't for years.
I say fine, we decide to end it, start the process (off the bank acct, lease, etc)
Saturday morning before starting to move out she finally wants to make it work.
I tell her no.
Divorce papers will be filed this week.


IF YOU'RE WILLING TO READ ON YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET STRETCH, GET A CUP OF COFFEE, A GOOD SMOKE, ETC befoe doing so.





About 2 months ago there was a rash (3-4) incidents of my wife going out late after work with co-workers (she's a server in a high end steak house) and being out till 5-6am when the bar/club closes at 3 while not answering her cell. She always had an excuse and I had no reason to mistrust her especially when she swore to my face that nothing was going on with her Co-worker (a fucking POS Broiler Cook) named Travis.

I managed to get access to her cell phone often, her Gmail, and her myspace (password was Travis but I couldn't justify that as a reason to confront her) but I never found anything that I could use as proof to really confront her just stuff that could be dismissed as me being paranoid and some that showed my mistrust was not warranted.

I realized my mistrust was sabotaging the marriage so I stopped and decided to try really hard to be a better husband and fix whatever was wrong. I treated our relationship like we had just been dating a few months and doing ALL the small things again.

Friday the 1st was our 5 year anniversary of our engagement
Saturday the 2nd was our 6 year anniversary of our first date

Sunday I decided I would decorate the house for Christmas on my own since she had no interest in it "I just don't feel like dragging everything out and putting it back away next month." The last 2 years that was my attitude since it was my Dad's favorite time of the year and I had a hard time coping with his death in '04, she did it ALL for the holidays. I wanted to return the favor.

I hadn't checked her MySpace in 2-3 weeks and thing had seemed to be going well, she came home on time, was honest, etc etc. Mid-way through decorating something just clicked and I decided I had to. I found a message from a girl I didn't know. "Monday afternoon is fine to come by." Michelle's previous message to her was "I talked to your Mom but unfortunately missed you. For some reason I haven't been getting some texts and I guess you haven't gotten mine. I can come by Monday afternoon with Ruby (our dog) and you can see if you like us. Give me a call on my cell."

WTF! Well I check this chick's page and under her Blog's an Ad for having a room to rent.

It felt like someone hit me with a 2x4. I was stunned she was leaving me.

I confronted her on Sunday the 3rd she was suppose to go out that night dancing with Travis, his best friend and roommate Brandon, and her gay friend from work. I told her I didn't want her to go out and that she needed to be honest with me about EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON. She played dumb. So I played my hand told her I knew she was looking at a room to rent. I found out that she loved Travis, couldn't decide b/w him and I, and figured moving out would give her time to think. She swore up and down that they weren't sleeping together but had made out but nothing "sexual" had happened. To bad being in love with him is worse than just fucking someone. There was also a ton of "I don't know answers." She said that her Mom and Best Friend knew what was going on and their only advice was "Can Travis provide the same kind of life for you that Mike can?" WTF!?!?After some long silence and me pleading with her that I was willing to make this work if she got rid of him, go to marriage counseling, etc etc etc she decided she wanted to still go dance, drink, and blow off steam. I told her fine and she said she'd be home really late. I went and drank with my best friend (who luckily just moved into my apt. complex) and got home around 5am, she wasn't here. Never came home.

She messaged me in the morning and said she'd probably see me at lunch. Nope. Dog was gone, too. They were looking at the room. We chatted online a bit that afternoon. Asked her if she was moving out, "I'm still thinking about it but probably" what does that mean for us "I don't know but it's not over."

I had no clue where to start but I knew that I did want to make it work. After meeting my best friend's Dad for a beer or 2 (he's been divorced twice and is kinda like a Dad to me) I figured out where I stood.

If she moved out it was done.
If she wanted to make it work she had to:
Keep being honest.
Leave him 100%
Quit her job (since she works with him) I can get us by till she found something new.
We wouldn't have separate lives, me going and doing something, her doing something else, it would always be us doing something.
We would go to marriage counseling.

I was so exhausted by Monday night when she got home and I knew she would be, too.... that I told her I just wanted to hold her, go to bed, and we'd deal with it Tuesday.

Tuesday afternoon I see her briefly at lunch, ask if she'll be home that night, she says she might get a drink after work. I tell her no, if she wants to I'll meet her out and we'll get a drink. No response. I spend the day revising my above points into an outline so I don't forget anything when we talk that night and it turns into a letter that covers everything. After she is off work I get a TM
"I am going to see Travis for a little while."
I replied with "OUCH, will you be coming home"
Her reply "I will be home later"
She rolled in at 3am.
I presented her the letter. It ended with I need a decision by Saturday afternoon and won't harp you about this, if you need to talk we'll talk. I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

Wednesday morning was a fury of TMs back and forth but they were all really positive. We agreed we were both exhausted, I'd take a 1/2 day at work, that I'd meet her when she was done with class (back in college) and we would take a nap then spend the day together. She then got called into work. I double checked the story (cell phone records) and it checked out. She was supposed to hit the bank and the grocery store but since she was so exhausted (from being out till 3am and up till almost 4am with me) I took care of that stuff.

Like Monday night we talked some when she got home Wednesday and go to bed. I suggest that I'll take Thursday afternoon off since she has the night off and she agrees that would be nice.

Thursday we meet at 1pm grab a nap, get lunch after, watch a DVD from Net Flix, take the dog to the dog park, talk for a long while, watch some TV and then at 10:15 her cell phone rings. It's Travis, he is wondering if she is coming out tonight.

I tell her that she's killing me, she can't go, and I need her to stay. "What you're doing is only further destroying any remaining chance we have of making this work." I told her I had said my piece in the letter and that was that, she could do what she thought was right but if she really needed to think on this issue she should do it with neither of us around and go to her Mom's or Grandma's. At 5 till 12 she gets up and goes to the bathroom, says she'll be back. I go walk the dog, I come in and she's coming down the stairs changed from a bathrobe to t-shirt and jeans. She's leaving. I ask her if this is really it, if it's over. Like she told me Sunday "I don't know, it's still 50/50, but I feel I need to see him to really make a decision." We talked and she agreed that she'd come home tonight after she made the decision regardless of what it was. When she finally left she never looked back at all but like the rest of the week had kissed me and told me she loved me before leaving.

I go out with my best friend till 4am, she's not home, I pass out exhausted and toss and turn. Nothing. 8:15 the alarm goes off and I call into work. She's not answering her cell either. I message her that "I am still willing to end this amicably if it's over but I need to know what's going on. I deserve for you to tell me what's up face to face."

No reply.

10:20am I get a TM from her best friend Jenn (Michelle was Jenn's matron of honor, I was Jenn's husband's best man.) "Hey are you coming to Jerry's b-day dinner Saturday night." Knowing she knew what was up I reply with "Unfortunately not, Michelle appears to be leaving me for Travis so I'm not really up for being sociable"

My phone rings instantly.

Jennifer has been working to try to get Michelle to try to get our marriage to work for months, to go to counseling, to do something, anything before opting to cheat. She was promised that Michelle would talk to me and we'd work things out. Hadn't happened at all. I realized if Jennifer and I had been lied too, maybe her Mom had, too. That was the case.