No advice here other than maybe it really is just what she says it is. I used to bitch at my wife all the time about smoking cigarettes. She hid it from me until she moved in with me - I never knew she smoked... maybe I was naieve? The bitching was mostly because she inconvenienced me to smoke (either I had to wait for her so we could do something or she sucked down a smoke just before getting into my car - bringing the smell with her), but there was no alterior motive - I wasn't bitching about smoking because of being pissed off about something else.

My wife & I have been married for 8 years (actually, it'll be 8 years on the 25th) & we have never spent so much time just hanging/talking as we have since I started smoking cigars. She'll ask me every night, "You having a cigar tonight?" That's my cue to grab one & head to the front patio. It's nice to just hang out & talk instead of sitting in seperate corners of the living room - usually with the tv on, but both of us on our laptops working or surfing.

Now she's the one bitching about the smell - she (mostly) only smokes in the evenings at home with me & she hates the smell of cigars.