Forget all these tightwads and their outrageously low bids. I'll tell you what...you send me these two authentic boxes of fine Cuban cigars, and to make sure they get here safe, don't use packing peanuts, use crumpled up 5 dollar bills. As soon as I get the cigars, I'll take them out, shit in the boxes and send said boxes back to you.
Don't worry, I'll send them COD...

Fuck off.