Twas the night before Christmas, when all though the CS house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Mangyrat (who’s avatar resembles a mouse)
The empty cello was hung by the humi with care,
In hopes that (that evil, vindictive, and hugely generous bastid) St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The BOTLs were nestled all sung in their beds,
While visions of Anejos & ISOMs danced in their heads.
And Cinda in her ‘kerchief, and hubby in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s ummmm….nap…yeah.
When out on the lawn there arouse such a clatter,
I sprang from my PAM to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew with my flask,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to the windowless van below.
When, what to my glazed / bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a dude with no clothes on, whom I assumed was quite queer.
With a little old driver, not so lively nor quick,
I smelled MD 20/20 and knew instead it was St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he belched, and then catcalled, and they each had a name!
“Now Ashauler!, now, Smoked!!, now, BWA & Kevin7!
On, factored!, On EGQ, on Hefty and Shit, who’s the last one, I’m half blitzen
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Don’t let me fuckin’ fall!
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Dragging his fatass, tried to mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the CS members they flew,
With a sleigh full of STOGIES!!!!, and that St. Nick’s blubber too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and a plop of Abyr dropping a deuce.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney naked smelly dude came with a bound.
He was not dressed at all, from his head to his foot,
And his skin was all pink & red with ashes and soot.
A bundle of smokes he had flung on his back,
And he kinda looked like Sammis doing a newb sampler, opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like cottage cheese, his nose (obviously) was like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was stained with drool & it needed a mow.
The stump of a spliff he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a bulging beastly belly,
That shook when he coughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right crazy old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, I couldn’t help myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know daredogs cause dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stocking, and farted like a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And striking a match, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to the van, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him drunkenly slur, “er he drove (hic!) out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good –night!”
The powers that be might take it all away
Together we burn, together we burn away
Uncle Tupelo
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by badwhale
Bookmarks