Buzz Light Year

[Secret Santa]

Hello there little buzzy. Have you been a good boy this year? Have mommy and daddy had to spank or punish you lately? Don't lie to Santa... I see you when you're sleeping, and know if you've need bad or good! Hi Ho ho! Come on up, sit on Santa's lap, and tell me what kinds of treats you'll be wanting for Christmas. I hear you like cigars? What are your preferences these days? I have a nice box of Swisher Sweets with those fancy plastic tips I confiscated from the elves last New Years Eve. I was hiding them out in the barn until Dasher found them. He only ate 2, I saved the rest, and have them in my underwear drawer now. They'll be safe there until Christmas for sure! What other kinds of things do you like? My elves can make most anything... HO HO HOOOO!

[buzz]

Santa wow you got pretty fat since I last saw you. I've been way better than "good" this year -- in fact, many would say that I've been "amazing". Now, you know that I don't like to brag about how awesome I am, but let's just say that you could send me a Ferrari and it would still not suffice to account for the pure excellence I've been emanating all year long.

Seems like a good time to drop this:

So anyway I finally weaned myself off the swishers and have moved into more of the medium-full varieties from brands containing the letters C, J, T, and my favorite letter, "Padron". But as you know I am adventurous and enjoy trying new things -- provided "trying" means "smoking" and "new things" means "cigars I haven't smoked before".

If you're unable to cram the Ferrari down the chimney I would not hate you if you included a local brew from the north pole or wherever it is that you are squating right now to steal wifi. I dig IPAs, porters, and stouts. Or, if you'd rather not risk soggy cigars, I would love to try some more of those delicious treats Mrs. Claus made last year. I don't know what they're called but they contained sugar, sugar, sugar, and sugar.

Thanks Santa! Now go find a treadmill...

[Secret Santa]

C, J, T, and Padron... Hmmm.... Ok, so one Captain Black Cherry, one Joya del Jefe, one Thirteen, and one Padron coming right up! Had to get Mrs. Claus to help with that! I never would've figured those out... Not sure if any of those offer medium-full...? Any particular size, shape, flavoring, or tip color you prefer? And new things, you say? I've definitely got that category covered! I've got something extra special in mind for the "new things" category!

[buzz]

Ha, well I'm a bit nervous about what "extra special" means to you Santa... but I trust you, well, sort of, maybe.

Actually, no I don't -- not after those pictures I saw of you from spring break.

I tend to smoke robusto-ish sized sticks, but am not really picky about vitola.

[Secret Santa]

Little Buzzy,

Mrs. Claus and I have scoured your history, in hopes that we might find out which Cs, Js, and Ts you are referring to (there are exactly 3,472 possibilities including those letters), and seem to have come up empty handed... Please, either be more specific with your letters to the North Pole, or just be content with whatever Santa picks out for you!

Also, I apologize, but I have had bad experiences (twice) with beer not making the trip from the North Pole, because of the harsh temperatures and rough sleigh ride it is likely to be subjected to, it being carbonated and not freeze-proof, I don't think it would be such a great idea, so don't expect any local brew. Might you have a preference in something a little stronger??

HO HO HOOOOO!
Yours Truly,
- The Fat Man

[buzz]

Haha, well I would be very surprised if searching my post history resulted in any useful information at all. I would estimate the number of useful posts I've made here to be... 14. And those were probably made back in 2012.

I'll light anything you send me on fire but some of the ones I keep going back to are Camachos, Joya de Nicaraguas, and Tatuajes. I also dig me some Ashton VSGs, most of the stuff from AF, and the My Father Le Bijou line.

For non-carbonated refreshments I dig peaty scotches and spicy cabernet sauvignons. And of course the Ferrari should be red.

And if I could have just one more Christmas wish... could you have one of your elves use their magical elf power to cause Jamie to drop "Murray" from his FFL team so I can put him on my team? I'm not sure if Murray is his first name or last name, but hopefully your elf can figure it out. I have no idea whether Murray is any good, and I'll probably just keep him on the bench anyway -- but the reaction from Jamie will be priceless.

Thanks Santa!

[buzz]

Package came down the chimney yesterday Santa and I had every intent to leave it under the tree like a good little boy until Christmas morning...

But then after a very large bowl of pistachio gelato I realized that taking a little peak wouldn't be that bad. And then I "accidentally" opened it all up and am so glad I did because you made my day! Really looking forward to lighting these up, thanks a bunch Santa!

Now... about that FFL miracle we discussed earlier...

[Secret Santa]

HO HO HO!

Glad you liked them, Buzz! Sorry the Ferrari didn't make it... It wouldn't fit in the sleigh, so I decided to just drive it over. Bad idea... Those damn Louisiana State Troopers just can't take a joke! Luckily, they allowed me to mail your package in lieu of the one phone call! I was able to "magic" my fat ass back to the North Pole without any problems, but after driving through New Orleans before getting pulled over, I didn't have enough cash to get the car out of impound...

Also, I hope you like the "refreshments" I stashed under the cigars!

Merry Christmas!

[buzz]

Forget the Ferrari, how about you throw a little bit of that "magic" in my stocking next year? And yes I will be enjoying some of the refreshment tonight!