Wtf

[basil]

want you all to know that in my time to think i have come to realize that i was dead wrong to do what i did. do i apologize for saying what i said? no, i unfortunately can not be untrue to myself no matter how horrible a person i may be or how horrible my opinions might be. i do agree that i need to do some reflecting on my thoughts and beliefs. i want you all to know this is no excuse for what i did or think but an explanation of what is going through my mind. many of you jump to call me names and what not, thats fine . . . i dont care about how you handle things in your personal life, others want to jump on the band wagon in fear of getting tossed out . . . fine. i dont care. however, i do/did care about the board and appreciated it. i AM sorry that i ruined things for myself. and you need to know that, and that i take full responsability. i blame no one but myself. for the things that have been said about me and the conspiracy like PMing that has gone on behind my back . . . . i can only say . . . i really truly dont care. i could only ask that you have the balls to say things to my face. there are a lot of childish people on here who seem to have that "means girls" clique attitude. thats fine, i prefer to step away from and above that. self-aggrandizing bullshitif i have ever said anything about anyone else in a PM which i have, it was in privacy because i did not want to start a riot between me and that person. not because i was affraid to tell them to their face or in public. simply out of courtesy to the board. and again, i have my opinions and am entitled to them about anyone and anything. if that person wants me to say it in public i have no problem with it but i choose and chose not to make it a big ole fight.

i AM going through a troubling time in my life as far as trying to realize who i am and why i am certain ways that i am. i am struggling with racism, i am struggling with a lack of tolerance. and for that i feel horrible as a person. if it make you feel better to know that i suffer from that then i am glad to say it. i DO NOT want anyone to think i am seeking acceptance of what i said or how i feel. i just want you to know i am struggling through something thats very real. i apologize profusely(sp?) for what i said and did. i feel like shit . . . i made a total ass of myself in front of acquaintances that i liked and treasured.

now, there are some of those acquaintances that have acted not so honorably either. i would like to know exactly how i am a "liar and a cheat"?? and what i did on the PIF thread to deserve such attacks not related to the racism thread.

no prob. btw, you wouldn't know "honor" if you tripped over it.

Lie #1.

as stupid as this is seeing as how this guy isnt kidding around like when i did something similar(in joking) i agree with lopaka . . . whatever gg says. i do think this brings out a good edit requirement in the rules for those less in touch with common sense and who need things spelled out for them . . . . the unspoken rule that everyone understood very very well of posting "WHO WANTS free cigars?" is apparently not clear enough.

There was never a written nor unwritten saying how the term "free cigars" should be presented. Previously, people had said it different ways. However, as you stood to gain (free cigars), you took issue with my claim and made up some idiotic "manix rule" about how it should be written. bullshit.

Lie #2.

i know nothing about your history here but i hope you make your future a good one.

This was posted on 8/21/05.

anyone see how i made a fool of myself on cp today? you'd figure -I- would know better . . . gee frickin wizz!!! what was i thinkin???!!! lol

and YES this IS on topic

This post was directed at me (see the 'on topic' part - I was the main topic) 3 days earlier, immediately after my 3rd post on this board. Not much history to remember really. bullshit.

Lie #3. after this:

Nope, sorry that's not the heads up. Not according to the rules anyway.

,
this,

ehh, i GUESS ill take em . . . .

,
and this,

as stupid as this is seeing as how this guy isnt kidding around . . . . sorry for the long post but apparently we need to be crystal clear here lol

,

gg declared a winner, and then manix posted this:

actually, i wanted to post earlier that i think basil SHOULD win because

. . . . blahblahblah. If this is what you meant to say, you sure blew a lot of opportunites to say it. More bullshit.

please email me through HEX to explain this to me. i am not being an ass, im asking this because i want to know if i did something that i may not have realized in order to remember it so i can change that manner of acting or speaking. i genuinely ask in humility.

email through Hex. My ass. here it is in public.

speaking of humility . . . i want you all to know that i ate a huuuge piece of humble pie. look! look! see how HUMBLE I AM?!?? expressions of humility don't need advertisement dumbass.i cant say enough how shitty i feel for what i did to the board and to myself(getting banned)

im not gonna go into the whole being not banned, then temp banned then perma banned or whatever . . . i do feel that that was handled a bit unfairly but like someone pointed out, its a private board and hex can do as he wishes. plus, even if i got the chance to apologize there are obviously some people who dont have enough capacity to forgive and forget. i DO believe that is because of something unrelated. it seems there was some sort of vendetta (for lack of a better word) against me behind the scenes for something i was never confronted with which i think was cowardly and pathetic if we are gonna start calling people names-something i did not do first. anyway, bottom line is i dont really care. i feel its ridiculous that a. someone was working behind the scenes to try and "get me"(i have proof, email me if you want it) and b. everyone is following every word/lead of a certain person like lost little puppies that have no mind of their own. . . . whatever he says must be true/right etc. thinly veiled call-out

again, im not calling any people out publicly umm, yeah, you just did.cause im not looking to start a flame . . . or hell, any other bad blood. but if you can figure it out its because you see it happen, and if you are the person then know who you are obviously . . . please please PLEASE do not misinterpret me(again) to be trying to start something, im not. but again, i am entitled to my opinion.

i think we should just part ways at this point. you have all said your peace, now i have said mine. i will not be returning obviously but i prefer it that way and made that decision long before it was made for me. mostly because i felt as many of you do, that i didnt deserve to be here and that you didnt deserve to have a racist "bigot" as it were, around.

later that grew to be because i didnt want to come back to such an unspportive and quick to judge community as opposed to a place where things can be talked out or people can be counseled by older wiser supposedly more mature people, not only cigars but on other issues as well.

i mean that with no disrespect or hard feelings. liar i just wanted to get it out there.

i really truly hope people dont spend another 3 or 4 days talking about me and saying things i couldnt possibly respond to. if you have a personal issue with me then by all means email me through hex. but as far as me leaving or being banned, keep it to the facts. Thanks for providing so many in this little "apology".

i havent killed anyone, i havent stolen from anyone a troll's gotta draw a line somewhere!( i have paid forward what was paid to me-to troops in afghanistan-email me if you want proof) and i dont think i should be persecuted for something i a. did at another board and is over with and b. shown remorse for, asked for forgiveness where above, exactly, have you asked for forgiveness?? and stated that i am trying to change my views . . . not to mention that i am conscience of my wreckless pattern.

again, i am truly sorry to all of you, i regret doing what i did and the way i did it. i am sorry to all the black, gay and black gay people on the site. i had no place and didnt think before i said what i did. i might be leaving some stuff out and i apologize for that. please contact me if i need to do more. take full responsibility for ALL your bullshit with no ifs, ands, or buts.

sorry and goodbye

This whole bullshit apology is shot through with double talk, blame reversal, and attempts to invoke guilt from others. Unfuckingbelievable.

Here's the thing: lest someone read "sour grapes" into this response, I believe in 2nd chances. But ONLY when the asking is genuine. Again, I appreciate your efforts toward fairness Hex, but his guy's still full of shit.