Quote Originally Posted by Shelby07 View Post
I just read the entire thread and it just makes me sick when people have to go through this. I am so sorry for your misfortune. It sounds as if you have a great network of friends and family around you so I won't offer any emotional advice (you'll get plenty) but I will offer a little practical advice, if that's ok.

You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and probably are not thinking too clearly. I would venture to say that there is a part of you that really doesn't want this to happen. Right now it sounds as if she doesn't want much, or feels she doesn't deserve much. Over time that will probably change. She might start feeling bitter that you wouldn't take her back or that something you did "caused" her to seek out someone else, and sooner or later her friends are going to convince her that she deserves something for the years she has invested. Either way, it's gonna be your fault. If she gets a lawyer, it's all over. So the practical advice??

Protect whatever assets you have, even of you don't think there is much to protect. I know you took her name off your accounts, but in a lot of states that's still considered joint assets, as is everything you have acquired during the marriage (401K's, savings, gifts, etc.) Find out if you might be responsible for some of her schooling or support, especially if you have a pattern of pulling her through the tough times. Alimony really sucks. Don't let too much water go under the bridge before addressing the practical part of the divorce. It's too easy to just let things go until it's too late. At least talk with a lawyer and find out the facts about the state, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

If you're going to get the divorce, do it quickly before she has time to think about things. I know it sounds hard, and I don't even like saying it, but it's the way things work. Get the agreements in writing now and get the divorce over with as soon as possible.

And remember, she is getting advice and support, too.

I know she is getting advice and support, too but at this point it's only from co-workers at best, she really doesn't have anybody else, including her family. They are all quite upset with her that she went about things how she did, if the marriage was over then she should have ended it, not cheated, and then continued to do so even after the 2nd chance.

I spoke to lawyer Monday morning, he only does civil (working on a car accident for me at the moment), no divorce, but he said he knows how it all works and we ran down the majority of the big points.

If she went to get a lawyer at this point they most likely wouldn't take the case because the only thing for her to gain is 1/2 of approx. 8k.

Alimony... if anything I'm the one entitled to it... just based on her paying back money that was mine (my Dad's life insurance for example)

I have been very practical about this since Monday before it was over, prepared myself in case this got really nasty, even though I would be the one that would win that, too. If she decided to do play dirty she'd be entering a losing battle and actually knows better.

I am not sitting on my haunches through this, I'll be getting it resolved and ended, ASAP