Divorce

[BigMacFU]

sorry to read this loudpipes. Good luck with everything, hopefully it'll be a clean legal matter as you two are young and don't have kids.

Basil's advice is right on.

[ashauler]

Damn sorry to hear this Loudpipes!! It will get better though, from my experience:
1. came home one night, locks changed, clothes on the porch
2. had 37 cents in my pocket
3. went to the ATM.....empty
4. had to live with parents
5. got raped in the divorce
6. spent 16 years paying child support
7. met a GOOD woman
8. have been married to her for 15 years
9. she loves me
10. I love her

LIFE IS GOOD!! Even better because:
1. The EX has had 13 different guys in this time
2. Youngest daughter has a protection order against her and wants nothing to do with her
3. She is alone and lonely
4. she has gained 100 lbs since the divorce
5. She can't hold a job
6. I don't have to pay for it anymore.

Moral of this story.......Karma gives the best smack-down of all. Keep your head up and know that you made the best effort possible, and have held the high-ground through the whole deal. The pay-back she has coming will get there eventually, and you won't have to do a thing!!

[Loudpipes78]

Thanks all.... sitting here at my office for the first time since Thursday morning when I thought I still had a chance and it's kind of rough. I've been with my company for 4.5 years and we're like family here so it's going to be hard to tell everyone.

As of now I have no intention to move but if I do the updated address will be posted, luckily I am in a spot where I can sustain myself.

Roham, I'll definitely check out plentyoffish.com but not yet, I am not taking any chances by doing something... ur... someone... stupid until the divorce is final, it's just not worth the risk.

Roham and Baron Porthos, I appreciate the offer, and who knows, I may take you up on it at some point. Right now I have South Florida (Mom) and Tampa (Guado) in my immediate future but it's hard to say what I'll need or want after the first of the year. My best friend (like a lil' brother to me) and I are talking about 4 days in Las Vegas. "Vegas baby... VEGAS!!!!!" [/Swingers]

dHutch, the comment "drive on" made me smirk, the Montgomery Gentry song Speed has been playing a ton the last day or so and thanks in advance for the care package.

Basil, I made the death analogy myself yesterday morning for the first time, pondered out loud if work would give me "bereavement." I also really need to focus on sleeping enough and eating right because so far I've been bad about it but I recognized it was a problem Saturday and have already been working on correcting it.

My friends and family have been amazing so far and I know they will continue to be. The offers to go do something, get away, come take a trip, just talk etc, etc have been flowing in.




I fired up an RP OWR Friday night when I was having a couple beers with my friends, talking over everything, and it was such a great smoke. I've been holding the OWRs back for something special and I figured the restart of my life as an individual definitely called for it.


I am not going anywhere and updates will follow. Being able to write about this has been a big help already.



Thanks again everyone.

[Shelby07]

I just read the entire thread and it just makes me sick when people have to go through this. I am so sorry for your misfortune. It sounds as if you have a great network of friends and family around you so I won't offer any emotional advice (you'll get plenty) but I will offer a little practical advice, if that's ok.

You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and probably are not thinking too clearly. I would venture to say that there is a part of you that really doesn't want this to happen. Right now it sounds as if she doesn't want much, or feels she doesn't deserve much. Over time that will probably change. She might start feeling bitter that you wouldn't take her back or that something you did "caused" her to seek out someone else, and sooner or later her friends are going to convince her that she deserves something for the years she has invested. Either way, it's gonna be your fault. If she gets a lawyer, it's all over. So the practical advice??

Protect whatever assets you have, even of you don't think there is much to protect. I know you took her name off your accounts, but in a lot of states that's still considered joint assets, as is everything you have acquired during the marriage (401K's, savings, gifts, etc.) Find out if you might be responsible for some of her schooling or support, especially if you have a pattern of pulling her through the tough times. Alimony really sucks. Don't let too much water go under the bridge before addressing the practical part of the divorce. It's too easy to just let things go until it's too late. At least talk with a lawyer and find out the facts about the state, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

If you're going to get the divorce, do it quickly before she has time to think about things. I know it sounds hard, and I don't even like saying it, but it's the way things work. Get the agreements in writing now and get the divorce over with as soon as possible.

And remember, she is getting advice and support, too.

[Loudpipes78]

I just read the entire thread and it just makes me sick when people have to go through this. I am so sorry for your misfortune. It sounds as if you have a great network of friends and family around you so I won't offer any emotional advice (you'll get plenty) but I will offer a little practical advice, if that's ok.

You are on an emotional roller coaster right now and probably are not thinking too clearly. I would venture to say that there is a part of you that really doesn't want this to happen. Right now it sounds as if she doesn't want much, or feels she doesn't deserve much. Over time that will probably change. She might start feeling bitter that you wouldn't take her back or that something you did "caused" her to seek out someone else, and sooner or later her friends are going to convince her that she deserves something for the years she has invested. Either way, it's gonna be your fault. If she gets a lawyer, it's all over. So the practical advice??

Protect whatever assets you have, even of you don't think there is much to protect. I know you took her name off your accounts, but in a lot of states that's still considered joint assets, as is everything you have acquired during the marriage (401K's, savings, gifts, etc.) Find out if you might be responsible for some of her schooling or support, especially if you have a pattern of pulling her through the tough times. Alimony really sucks. Don't let too much water go under the bridge before addressing the practical part of the divorce. It's too easy to just let things go until it's too late. At least talk with a lawyer and find out the facts about the state, then do what you need to do to protect yourself.

If you're going to get the divorce, do it quickly before she has time to think about things. I know it sounds hard, and I don't even like saying it, but it's the way things work. Get the agreements in writing now and get the divorce over with as soon as possible.

And remember, she is getting advice and support, too.

I know she is getting advice and support, too but at this point it's only from co-workers at best, she really doesn't have anybody else, including her family. They are all quite upset with her that she went about things how she did, if the marriage was over then she should have ended it, not cheated, and then continued to do so even after the 2nd chance.

I spoke to lawyer Monday morning, he only does civil (working on a car accident for me at the moment), no divorce, but he said he knows how it all works and we ran down the majority of the big points.

If she went to get a lawyer at this point they most likely wouldn't take the case because the only thing for her to gain is 1/2 of approx. 8k.

Alimony... if anything I'm the one entitled to it... just based on her paying back money that was mine (my Dad's life insurance for example)

I have been very practical about this since Monday before it was over, prepared myself in case this got really nasty, even though I would be the one that would win that, too. If she decided to do play dirty she'd be entering a losing battle and actually knows better.

I am not sitting on my haunches through this, I'll be getting it resolved and ended, ASAP

[FunkyCold5]

Mike, sorry for what happened to you. Hang in there man. This is for the best.

Andrew

[sprangalang]

That sucks dude.
Hang in there. Listen to what Shelby and others said.
And remember, things always work out for the best.

[Shelby07]

...

I am not sitting on my haunches through this, I'll be getting it resolved and ended, ASAP

Glad to hear it... Hope my post wasn't out of line.

[Shagaroo]

Sorry you are having to go through this...

I know she is getting advice and support, too but at this point it's only from co-workers at best, she really doesn't have anybody else, including her family. They are all quite upset with her that she went about things how she did,

Now you know why she came in blubbering suddenly wanting to work it out... Good for you for standing your ground and not being her doormat. Regret sucks. It's better she lives with it rather than you.

[nhcigarfan]

Sorry to hear about this. It sounds like your handling your end the right way.

[CoventryCat86]

Have you actually started divorce proceedings yet? If you have, then dating someone AFTER the filing is irrelevant.

I don't know what to tell you, I've seen far worse like a 20+ year marriage, two kids, a co-owned business, a large house and lots of assets with a husband who was cheating for two years, wife found out, he agreed to stop seeing her, turns out he didn't, then three months later he moved out, she didn't fall apart but she was hurt very badly, husband comes back four days later and so far everything is fine and I think it will work.

I've got other similar stories but I'll spare you the details.

This Travis guy has got to be completely out of the picture if anything is to "work out" so.....