Christmas Writing Contest

[EGQ]

Clip, torch a cigar
Enjoy the spirit of the days
Brothers of the leaf

Next up is a limmerick that will start with "There once was a man from Wichita..."

[ashauler]

Clip, torch a cigar
Enjoy the spirit of the days
Brothers of the leaf

Next up is a limmerick that will start with "There once was a man from Wichita..."

Ya just have to keep in mind who is sending the prize if it wins.

[EGQ]

There once was a man from Wichita
When he gazed upon his humidor, he liked what he saw
And he said with a grin
As he lit a Don Pepin
"Happy holidays to all, especially those in the practice of law"

[Shelby07]

The new year was coming, their mission was clear
those lexicon folks searched for word of the year
the people at Oxford looked high and looked low
for a word that was unknown just one year ago

they searched all the forums, ideas unfurled
as they struggled to reshape the speech of the world
"Muggle," "blamestorming," "threequel" and "grrrl"
the words flowed like water, each a winner, a pearl!

yet the collections of scholars just couldn't agree
is the term a "screenager" or a "mini-me"
As they struggled and fought it became very clear
a consensus was lacking for word of the year.

They fought into the night and throughout the next day
but their discord was fierce, for there'd be hell to pay
if they didn't live up to their laurels so high
they could kiss their achievements and honors goodbye

Days, then weeks passed as their battles went on
until finally the next to the last had withdrawn
so consensus had come, the announcement was made
that the end had come, finally, to this epic crusade

All the cameras were running, the world was abuzz
as the scholars announced what the special word was
"It's a word found on Facebook! It's the best!" they'd contend
"The Word Of The Year..." then a drum roll... "UNFRIEND!"

After all of their work and despite all their plume
a silence descended among those in the room
for the word they sought after should have been crystal clear
We all know "douchenozzle" is word of the year!


Merry Christmas!!!

(the rules say it had to have a Christmas theme.)

[mail man]

Dam Shelby, I can't compete with that. All of my writing will sound like a new born baby's babbling compared to your penmanship.
Thanks alot for ruining my chances



Keith

[ndv21]

Christmas is known as a holiday for all
Where kids young and old will be having a ball
Mothers and fathers use credit cards with might
Just to see their bill, their faces read fright.

What would the wife like? A husband might ask
“I think at her age, she might need a mask!”
Tempted but careful, he buys her perfume,
The scent of sweet flowers ready to bloom.

“My husband has all the toys that he wants!”
I’ll go with the traditional set of work pants!
More tools for the garage, I know he would like
Or maybe an accessory for his motor bike.

Dad is retired and is always hard to read
What he would like, I don’t know indeed
A tv, vacation, or fishing gear set?
A father-son hunting trip he’ll never forget!

Who can forget Mother who’s always be there
Tender and loving with so much sweet care
I know what she’ll say “Please don’t get me a present,
Just having you home makes my life pleasant”

So family is taken care of, what a great relief
Now I can focus on the commander in Chief!
Not Obama, no, he’s not on my list
A gift for myself, something with a twist

I’ve been getting my presents throughout the year
Manful desires of all types of gear
From dive trips, to guns, to fine cigars
They all make good stories when I’m out at the bars

I have a hard time thinking what should I get
I’d hate buying something that later I would regret
Money is tight so it can’t be expensive
Thinking of this makes me apprehensive

I’ve always enjoyed a good bottle of whisky
(so does my wife cause she knows I get frisky)
But drinking alone is not so much fun
Especially when your buddies, only drink rum

I guess I have realized I have all I need
Family, health, and the will to succeed
But there is one thing, that I will ask for
Please bring our troops back from this ugly war!

So cheer up my friends and raise you glasses!
A toast to all, good friends and badasses!
Let’s have a ball like those days at the prom
A Merry Christmas to all at cigarsmokers.com!

[ashauler]

Good stuff coming in, looks to be a good competition.

[buzz]

Clip, torch a cigar
Enjoy the spirit of the days
Brothers of the leaf

I think you have 8 syllables in the 2nd line - Haikus are tough, it would be easier if they were in a 15-20-15 syllable format.

-Buzz (aka the Haiku police)

[buzz]

Ok, I spent all night last night coming up with this one. Sorry Kevin, I had to use you because you and Mark are the only ones I have done a deal with, and "Mark" only has one syllable...

[clearing throat]

You know Basil, and Corvin, and Roham, and Hefty...
Badwhale, and Roger, and Rugby, and Cinda...
but do you recall...
the most famous cigarsmoker of all?

Kevin the crazy smoker (smoker),
has over a thousand posts (wow that's a lot).
most of which are completely usable (usable),
for punchlines to awesome jokes (like the knock-knock ones).

All of the asshat users (users),
seem to atract his witty slang (like "princess").
They never seem to learn that (learn that),
dumb posts receive more shame (stop crying babies).

Then one day Santa appeared,
brought up some posts and swoosh (uh oh Santa)!
Kevin took notice and he replied,
"thats some funny shit there santadouche".

All of the CS members (members),
smiled, grinned and laughed with glee (hee hee).
They'll always appreciate Kevin (Kevin),
and his hilarious commentary (and he's the nice one)!

Thanks for the contest!
-Buzz

[EGQ]

I think you have 8 syllables in the 2nd line - Haikus are tough, it would be easier if they were in a 15-20-15 syllable format.

-Buzz (aka the Haiku police)

[buzz]

Haha, sorry EGQ - I just have that annoying obsessive compulsive syllable-counting disorder.

Here is a haiku I came up reminding me of the other night - sitting outside with my wife, nice and cold but we had the fire pit going - beautiful clear night... perfect.

Winter cigar smoke
Rises slowly to the stars
Leaving us behind

[Buzz quickly counts his syllables... thinks he is good]

-Buzz

[Roger]

Hmmmmm, Buzz the Haiku master.... amazing!

[buzz]

Haikus are stupid
they don't ryhme and are too short
but are fun to write



-Buzz

[mrtr33]

I don't know how "Christmas-y" these are.........BUT.....they are cs related..............reasonably..................

A collection of motherfucking haikus for my motherfucking brothers of the motherfucking leaf:

motherfucking newbs
need to read more and post less
kiss my big fat ass

chugg you fat bastard
I think all that was made up
you fucking douchebag

I do wish Dennis
could just let it fucking go
and would come back soon

why does it seem that
some asshole wants to sell us
glass-top cohibas?

i wish i could smoke
a box of padrons before
dinner tomorrow

someone needs to please
piss off kevin and basil
i could use the laugh

hey kaelaria
original douchenozzle
your reviews still suck

ashauler talks a
lot of shit with a poodle
as his avatar

I'm fucking surprised
there's any cigars left with
BWA around

I think it's odd that
there are so many people
named Chris on this board

where can I find both
an asshole and a lawyer
from New Hampshire here?

hey DAN congrats on
the new house and new smoke shop
the steelers still suck

what the fuck happened
to craig and what the fuck is
in his avatar?

does anyone know
if we are rid of daredog
for good already?

badwhale needs to find
different beer to drink with
his awesome reviews

Hey there Dr. Deuss
what the fuck was the point of
all that stupid shit?

buzz, while you are new
and your shit doesn't stink yet
we'll still find you out

hey there hex thanks for
putting up with all our shit
keep up the great work

all you douchenozzles
go and fuck yourselves and have
a Merry Christmas