Now, last year I had a very bad experience at an Irish household. The reindeer were totally clustered all night. Blitzen was blitzed and Dancer & Prancer... well nevermind, and Mrs. Claus kept texting me with messages too long to fit into one message. And then... I come to the Murphy residence only to find out that they closed their frickin chimney flue, so I had to go in through the window. Now, in normal homes, this is no problem, but for some strange reason, you Irish think it is funny to put a lit candle there! WTF!?! I burned my pants off and got the cops called on me for running down the street naked / on fire!

But I am sure I can trust you to NOT set up any Santa traps, right?

So, the current items I have slated for your new home are a Philly Blunt and a half-eaten jar of peanut butter... but since the elves told me that you have been a decent husband thus far, I will allow you to request a special holiday drink and a stick of your choice to accompany that fine blunt.

I know you Irish are really only interested in things if you can either drink it, or punch it...

Ho Ho Ho!!!
S. Claus