8-5-8

EVERYONE's relationship with another human being is a struggle - especially when it comes to marriage. The mere fact that another person is in your personal space is cause for conflict. It is in our very being - the thinking, feeling creatures we are. But, we adapt to that invasion and somehow make it work.

I have been married now for 22 years (been with the same woman for 27 years) and I got to tell you - there isn't a day that goes by that I don't appreciate her being around, and at the same time wonder if I should stay married to her. And I believe she does too. She and I believe we are two different people who happen to be walking down this path together. The reality is that each day we both want to take a seperate branches off of this path, yet we still end up at some point walking down that same path day after day.

I believe it is when you get to a junction in that path that you have to make some decisions - WE (both of us) can walk to the left or to the right. But it has to be a joint decision to stay on the same path. Don't get me wrong, there are times during your relationship where you are on different paths. That's inevitable. But, if we each choose to walk down a separate paths, we tend to lose touch with one another. As those separate choices continue on, there comes a time where we can't be on the same path again.

My first marriage ended in a divorce after only about 2 years. We could just not get along, even though we had committed ourselves to a lifetime together. I believe we married for all the wrong reasons and it was just destined for us to be on different paths. But my second marriage has been quite different.

If I were to go back and analyze both relationships to see where I succeeded and where I failed, I can't for the life of me tell you what I didn't see in my first relationship that I saw in the second one - and vice versa. It really is a blind faith kind of thing.

Certainly, there were things about her that attracted you. And things about you that attracted her. So much so that you two decided you needed to be together "forever" (because that's what marriage is). So what is it about the current situation that is so different from the time that the two of you decided to make the committment to stay together? I dunno - maybe it's the kids, maybe it's the career, maybe you're trying too hard, maybe she's not trying hard enough, maybe it's stress, maybe it's money, maybe it's psychological... Maybe it's a combination of a lot of things... In other words, it's as complicated as it was when you first met...

But now - you and the wife are at that split in the road... Where are you going to go? And - more importantly - will you make the right decision.... Only time will tell. To be honest - the advice we give you here is really meaningless. The only thing we as a community can do for you is to listen and encourage. The rest is up to you two...

Good luck!